h a l f b a k e r yA riddle wrapped in a mystery inside a rich, flaky crust
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Elastic Map
Any Point A to Any Point B is a straight line... | |
if you stretch the map hard enough.
[link]
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I'm imagining detailed gassamer maps of
every city in the world in a match-box. + |
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Why not just fold the map so that point A and point B are touching? |
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// fold the map so that point A and point B are touching // |
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It's more useful to fold spacetime so that Point A and Point B are touching. You need a decent power source for an interdimensional congruency generator to fold space like that, but it's a nice quick way to travel halfway across the galaxy in zero time. Just watch out for natural wormholes, though. |
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//It's more useful to fold spacetime// |
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8th, how have you achieved your
current level of galactic domination
without knowing something so very
basic about the universe? |
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Spacetime is **already** folded up.
Downtown Manhattan is actually 75
light-years from Central Park, but a
wrinkle in spacetime makes them
appear adjacent. Likewise, my living-
room is in an entirely different arm of
the galaxy from my kitchen, but
warpage makes them appear
contiguous. |
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What you think of as a relatively flat 3D
universe (and what you would like to
pleat to shorten distances) is *already*
highly warped and concertinaed - you
just can't see the joins. If you start
trying to refold it in a different way, to
bring currently remote locations
together, you'll just end up screwing up
the current fold system, and goodbye
Central Park. |
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sat navs everywhere will implode. |
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and I *still* wouldn't be able to fold it up neatly. |
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// Spacetime is **already** folded up. // |
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We know. Every time we use our Congruency Generator, it leaves these creases and wrinkles. We've tried spraying it with Spacetime Softener to smooth it out, but it doesn't seem to help. We were working on an Interdimensional Congruency Steam Iron, but the budget got cut ...... |
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You need a spinning charge at high
temperatures - a steam ion. |
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And bleach to get the stains out from black holes. |
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The trouble is that the Fabric of Spacetime isn't what it used to be...... |
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I thought this was going to a balloon globe |
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The map could come with a small corner section which is non elastic, has a grid printed on it, and correct to scale. Then you could stretch all other sections correctly, and use the map! |
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London Underground maps tend toward this. |
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Joe was trying to get some long-distance travels figured out. He found he had to stretch his map around a cylindrical pillar in order to get them straightened - but then they were difficult to read. Disgustedly, he muttered, "Great. Circle routes." |
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<Slow, ragged handclaps, booing> |
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Am I missing something here? On any map, you can join two points (A and B) with a straight line. What's the elastic for? What are you all talking about? I'm going to bed... |
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