h a l f b a k e r yBaker Street Irregulars
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Whenever someones house is egged or TPed it is quite difficult to figure out who did it. My idea is to put serial numbers on eggs and toilette paper in micro UV ink or some form of way of writting it that cannot be comrpomised as well a way that would last and easily readable with a machine or device.
After your house is egged or TPed you could call the police and they bring their reader over and it reads the serial number on the egg fragments or TP. The information would go to a central computer data base that tracks all sales transactions involving eggs and toilette paper.
Another part of the system is the surveillance cameras at stores would be tapped in with the time of sales at the cash register. Everytime eggs or TP is bought the camera saves a picture of the person who bought it so then if those eggs or TP is found at the scene of the crime then the police would have a picture of who bought the tools of the crime.
Another thing that could happen is whenever someone buys a large quantity of eggs then the person must fill out a small form.
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Of all the arguments for a police state I've ever heard, this is the very greatest. |
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You spell 'toilet' 'toilette'? ...um, ok . |
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when you have 6 years of french you tend to misspell english words quite often, sorry to offend anyone. Quand on a 6 ans ou plus de francais on ne peut pas orthographier les most d'anglais habituament. |
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I thought this was sleepy. But then, I am very funny. |
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Well, i had had 19 years of bad english an you do never see me bad spelling |
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Exept for Beavis and Butthead. |
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I am at one with Monkfish on this fantastic idea. I've never actually met anyone whose house has been criminally egged but clearly this is a major threat to western civilisation which should be stamped out with utter ruthlessnessness.
Also, this will help to eradicate the vigilanteism and blatant publicity-seeking of the likes of John Prescott, who deliberately go around interposing their huge bulk between eggists and their target, claim that the object was aimed at them and attempt to beat the tar out of the egg operative. |
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[JoeLounsbury] quand on sait parler le francais on apprend a ecrire les mots correctement et on ne s'en vante pas. when you do know how to speak French you should learn how to spell the language and not brag about it. As The Merovingian said: 'bordeldecouilledemerdedesaloperiedeputainderognutudjuuu.' |
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House egging was a common form of excitement for miscreants in my hometown on Halloween. So much so that the local stores would not sell eggs to anyone under 20 during the last week of October. Not sure if they still do it. |
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So I see the problem this is trying to solve. However, the egg shell has a tendency to, um, break? when the egg strikes an object such as a house, and would thus require the talents of crime scene forensics experts in order to reassemble enough of the shell to glean a number from it. That's perhaps asking a bit much in light of the severity of the crime. |
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The solution to this problem is so simple, I am almost ashamed to describe it. Genetic yolk testing. Eeven infertile eggs carry a healthy helping of ma chicken's genetic material. Each egg producing chicken would have its genetic profile stored and the box would be coded to show which chickens contributed eggs. Given the number of chickens laying eggs, this would cause each box to have a unique genetic assortment. Genetic testing of thrown eggs would yield this assortment, which could be crossmatched against the box archive. With this info, the place of sale and credit card number of the purchaser could be obtained. This would take a few hours, but the Egg Police prefer to knock down the door between 2 and 4 AM anyway. |
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The dna profiling idea i never thought of and wonder if if could be done with tree dna and paper paper pulp mills for toilete paper and Toilete paper vandelism. |
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I'm sure between all the King's horses and all the King's men, there's bound to be a DNA expert in there somewhere. |
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"The DNA test might take a while. Thanks for bringing this sample to us, though. By the way, I have to ask; why the long face?" |
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I forsee the poultry market plummeting as a group of rabid pentacostals somewhere in Arkansas refuse to eat chicken or buy eggs with the mark on them. + |
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In response, chicken farms everywhere cut costs, reducing the size of cages and demanding more egg output. Disease increases. |
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Tired of working for chicken feed, chickens unionize to protect their rights, demand more holidays, and hunger-strikes break out. Desperate chickens attempt pen-breaks to no avail. |
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"I told you, they're organized..." |
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We're missing the real culprits here: the chickens. Under our system of American law, chickens are held fully liable for the eggs that they produce, up until they are fully digested and excreted. This includes the time that they are in shipping, being made into omlettes, being eaten, and yes, being criminally used to paint the outside of a house an albumeny shade of clear. |
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By using genetic testing, we can clearly link a given egg to the chicken that laid it. In this way, we can ensure that chickens will take more responsibility for the way that their eggs are used. |
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Chickens! Know your farmer! It's the only way to ensure the bettermentation of our society as a whole. |
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Incidentally, when explosives were first used in crime, the idea was tossed up that there should be small metal tags placed inside the explosives, with serial numbers on them inidcating the manufacturer. This was so that the bombs could be traced, possibly yielding more information about the criminals or suppliers. |
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The manufacturers rejected this outright, claiming it would create liability issues they didn't want to know about. |
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They could use that laser dotty stuff they use on new cars. |
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//They could use that laser dotty stuff they use on new cars// That will probably have to be mixed in with the soap, so we can identify those pesky vigilantes who have whitened our car windows. |
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Could it be that the expensive DNA testing proceedures would be better used to capture deadbeat parents, rapists, and murderes? |
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Could it be that this system would mostly capture video images of frazzled parents who have lost control over their home spending due to their children robbing them of TP and eggs? |
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I've noticed that these horrible TP and egg crimes tend to focus on particular houses year after year. Might it be easier to install video surveilance directed to the lawns of these homes, so that the dreadfully victimized homeowner can identify the perpetrators, hire a multimillon dollar lawyer, and sue the perpetrators for ten or twenty dollars in physical damages... |
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...and a few million dollars for pain and suffering? Ohh, the agony of being egged! Oh, the humanity of TP. I'll never feel safe wiping my butt or cooking an omelette again! |
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An excellent argument against the war on cash |
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