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Ear Beret

 From the inside of the ear to the outside of the head
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My ten-year-old receives an allowance bonus whenever he consents to pose for a drawing. Today, he was an unwillingly model as I applied liberal amounts of cold spackle to the valleys and cavities of his right ear, over a layer of Saran wrap. The upside-down result, looking like a tiny, lava-folded volcano, was imagined to be a part of a repetitive sculpture, until I realized it would make a much better cap.

The ear beret would be a cast of the convex area of the ear, reproduced five times larger in a durable, elastic felt. The comfy cap, initially promoted to the youth market, would come in a variety of colors, but always have a distinctive orange tip on its ear canal point. This furrowed beret should not be much more unusual than exposed underwear waistbands or skirts with boxing shoes.

The cheaper models would be cast from the ears of popular artists and celebrities. By paying more, one could use a kit to create an individual mold to send away for a custom cap.

—FarmerJohn, Oct 04 2003

drawing http://www.geocitie...hnnie/earberet.html
[FarmerJohn, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

This be a beret http://www.dshowcase.com/berets.htm
[bristolz, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]

For Pericles http://www.fsmitha.com/h2/che-01.jpg
maybe you remember him... [k_sra, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]

Implementation. http://img.photobuc...ns/beauxbaton22.jpg
And I thought they were modelled on tits. [MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 13 2007]

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       Who named that girl "ear beret"?
—lawpoop, Oct 04 2003
   

       M. and Mme Beret
—FarmerJohn, Oct 04 2003
   

       Crayon?
—bristolz, Oct 04 2003
   

       Dixon Best thick-lead color pencils from Jersey City, waterproof-smearproof-sharpener-proof.
—FarmerJohn, Oct 04 2003
   

       Dang, I thought this idea was for ears.
—pluterday, Oct 04 2003
   

       Beret nice.
—egbert, Oct 04 2003
   

       I'm going to send you some Neocolors. I can't get anything out of them but you sure can.
—bristolz, Oct 04 2003
   

       how bout a "secret" ear beret
—dickity, Oct 04 2003
   

       WHAT's A BERET!! :( see? I always miss out all the fun.
—Pericles, Oct 04 2003
   

       It's a low rise, brimless hat that's usually set upon the head at a jaunty angle. Saddam Hussein was sometimes seen wearing one as do some members of the armed forces, especially those in specialty units like, well, like the US Army Green Berets.
—bristolz, Oct 04 2003
   

       You'll see a fair amount of French people wearing berets if you go to France. They're associated with artistes wearing black turtlenecks and pointy mustachios--French ones. Interestingly enough, nobody made any mention of how berets are French during that hilarious French boycott--after all, then the Army boys would have to find another hat to wear.   

       ...Damnit, I should have said something. Maybe they'd have switched to fedoras.
—Eugene, Oct 05 2003
   

       At last we find out John's secret weapon. Armies of family slaves willing to model his latest...
—RayfordSteele, Oct 05 2003
   

       Yupp, I saw that the moment I drew it and hoped I'd be the only one.
—FarmerJohn, Oct 06 2003
   

       A shop in San Francisco sells loads of expensive, curlicued, horned and twisted felt hats for around $100. This is actually a marketable, solid, completely legit business idea. You could get a bank loan for this one, if I were the banker...
—feiacrianca, Oct 06 2003
   

       And the fit should be as comfortable as one's thumb feels, pressed into one's ear.
—FarmerJohn, Oct 06 2003
   

       [link] for [Pericles].
—k_sra, Oct 06 2003
   

       I'm sorry, but I can't see anyone wearing an ear beret making it out of grade school with a working psyche.   

       "You can't play dodgeball with us, ear head, we're socially excluding you!"   

       Or something to that extent.
—notmarkflynn, Dec 20 2005
   

       [FarmerJohn]s illustration looks strikingly similar to the beret's worn by the girls of Beauxbatons in one of the Hairy Potter films.
—MaxwellBuchanan, Dec 13 2007
   


 

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