h a l f b a k e r y"This may be bollocks, but it's lovely bollocks."
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Now that it has been revealed that the
CIA
has been spying on people by examining
the modulations of their return electricity
signal (this story is breaking news today
GMT),
no one should be without a Domestic
Electricity Confusing Randomiser.
I for one do not want some dark suited,
anonymous agent knowing how often I
use
my kettle, or open and close my fridge,
by
scanning my electricity, and then
probably
using this information to start up another
war.
My Domestic Electricity Confusing
Randomiser puts an end to all of this
intrusion, by interjecting random usage
into the voltage wave returns.
It extracts its confusion algorithm by
examining the brownian type movement
of two different varieties of tadpoles held
in
a
remote location, and relaying this by a
secure internet signal to the device.
Negative electricity enters the device,
and
is flicker randomised by the deviated
rotating magnets. Some electrons are
stripped away, but delay returned,
corrupting the signal into a fool
attracting interdiction.
Agents will no longer be able to tell with
any clarity how many holes there are in
your swiss cheese by measuring the
responses from your fridge, for example,
or
how much toast you eat, by auditing your
toaster returns.
As a bonus, the Domestic Electricity
Confusing
Randomiser
can also counter the effects of Dirty
Electricity (see links)
In addition 10zag Devices are developing
the
sister products: Happy Wires; Silence
of the Amps and Maxwell's Electricity
Detergent.
For further reading please consult:
Measuring the Hidden Undercurrent or
The Electron and the Banana Counter by
Hairmaster and Himple (not their real
names) both former CIA electricity
spooks.
Dirty electricity
http://findarticles...200612/ai_n17192754
how clean is yours ? [xenzag, Apr 01 2008]
Training Camp Uncloaked
http://www2.fi.edu/...ield-trips/spy.html
this is where they learn their dastardly skills [xenzag, Apr 01 2008]
They're stealing your electricity!
http://www.homeland...city-to-spy-on-you/
...and you don't believe they examine it once it's been intercepted? [xenzag, Apr 01 2008]
Filter assembly for eliminating mains disturbances
http://www.freepate...ne.com/4511847.html
a puny imitator, that does very little [xenzag, Apr 01 2008]
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No, no. I think that raising baby frogs will not disturb the profile of the heat signature that I THINK they use to figure out if you are growing THC in your attic.
If you can convice me otherwise, I shall change my vote. |
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those dastardly spooks! what next, intelligence-gathering on our bathroom habits by measuring water mains? 'Mr Anderson...by day, you have a respectable job; by night, you leave your tap running while you brush your teeth. Shame on you.'
I like the Brownian tadpoles, but would the randomised flicker be enough to fully mask a 5kw kettle? Howabout a room full of chimpanzees with sundry electrical appliances, triggering them at random? |
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The Urban myth, in the 70s, was that the TV detector vans in the UK could tell which channel you were watching. |
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No doubt this latest breaking of covert protocols will be dismissed in the same manner [Ling]'s example was 30-some years ago. |
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A few months ago, some academics here reported being able to decode what people were seeing on their monitors in the same way. The spy agencies usually do seem to get there first. |
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I always pity the poor steganographer trying to decipher hlafbakery posts. |
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It only works one day of the year.
[marked-for-expiry] |
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And even then only intermittently... |
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April fool is dead and gone, and I'm the
fool for carrying on..... |
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