Dizziness Bar

It would be safe to say you're stressed. Long day on the job, wife, husband, kids, chinchillas, whatever. I give you the dizziness bar. Some people consider themselves too "dignified" to spin like dervishes in public, so there would be private rooms as well as an area for the "undignified."

As you step out of the street onto the revolving door which carries you into the cloistered place, you notice a sudden rush of colors which makes your retinas squirm. Stripes are painted up and down the walls, narrowing as they reach the domed ceiling and joining at the apex. They swirl with what seems to be a life of their own, and you realize that they are issuing from a hidden projector in the apex which is rotating counterclockwise at a steady rate. At the outside edges, toward the walls, plush bean bags, pillows, comforters, and generally soft things to flop on litter the floor. In a Hobbitish hallway which branches off to your left, you notice an oxygen bar and some red velvet benches molded into the wall. This is to put you in a state of pre-spinning clarity of mind and relaxation. Dispensers of hot coffee and tea hang at the end of the hallway, steaming into the provided cups. Pay your fee to a silly proprietor, sign a standard "at my own risk" contract, and leave your shoes and jewelry in the cubbies provided. Strap on a soft foam sort of life jacket which will make human collisions more pleasurable. Clutching your roomy vomit bag in one hand, take your pick of the rotating discs set into the floor at regular intervals; they are marked from 1-4 according to their average speed. These discs follow automatic 30-second repeated cycles of acceleration, beginning at a low speed and gradually accelerating faster, ending in a climax by which time you probably will have gone stumbling to the bean bags. Enjoy!