Daytime TV

As daytime TV now seems to be spreading, like some hideous, science-fiction blob monster, to engulf the entire program schedule, I thought that it could be profitably re-engineered to provide a more satisfying viewer experience. For example:-

Cash Under the Hammer

Large men wearing donkey jackets & balaclavas drive a white transit van to a large country house where they proceed to conduct a careful search of the premises in an effort to turn up items of value that they can sell at a local car boot sale. Having removed everything of value to the van they then return and smash everything else in the house into itsy-bitsy, tiny, little pieces with sledgehammers before heading off to the pub for a well earned beer.


Escape to the Attic

A person is secretly smuggled into a complete stranger’s house to live covertly in their attic. They can only emerge to nibble away at the contents of the fridge, watch the TV, empty their catheter etc, when there is nobody else in the house or when everyone is asleep at night. If they can keep up the charade for 6 months without getting caught then they get to be whisked away to live in a well appointed beach hut on some sunny Caribbean shore.


Casualty Hunt

Each week an NHS patient with a minor illness or injury is driven to a location about 2 miles from the local hospital. They are then shot in one of their legs and given a 30 minute head start to make their way back to the hospital before they are chased down by the dogs from the local Hunt. If they make it back to the hospital before the dogs catch them then they get moved into a private room and are awarded a free plastic surgery treatment of their choice. If they don't make it then the program is moved to after the 9 o'clock watershed.

Etc.