h a l f b a k e r yA few slices short of a loaf.
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< Hushed silence...> He lines up, and...
<thud sound>...Brie!
<thud sound>Wensleydale! < Audience gasps>
...and all he needs now for the 2018 championship is the Gorgonzola..
Cheese names
https://www.cheese.com/triple-creme-brie/
Triple [DenholmRicshaw, Apr 11 2018]
More cheese
https://www.cheese.com/double-gloucester/
Double Gloucester [DenholmRicshaw, Apr 11 2018]
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Annotation:
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This is one of may all-time favourite cheese/darts combo
ideas. |
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He needs triple creme brie and double gloucester to finish. |
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This is a great idea for a cheese sampler platter.
Think about it, how do you eat cheese samples? On
a toothpick. |
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So instead of darts, you have aerodynamic
toothpicks. Take your shot, walk over and eat the
sample you hit. As the game goes on and the
cheese dwindles, you
miss, you don't get any cheese. Just like in life. |
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Great lesson for the kids. "Bob was careful and
planned his shot so he got the cheese. Karl was
drunk and threw his toothbick in Mike's forehead so
he is without cheese." |
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Although the idea of playing darts without being
drunk is a bit fantastic, theoretically if a sober
person played darts they'd probably fare better
than everybody else, it's just never been tried. |
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//theoretically if a sober person played darts they'd
probably fare better// |
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The changes alcohol makes to your brain chemistry means
the keys your brain has in its damp squidgy little hands
when it's sober will be the wrong ones to open the boxes it
stored your darts playing skills in (this is also why you
sometimes can't remember a really good night out). |
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It's down to brain chemistry & the way it
stores memory, if you've only ever done something
drunk you're often better at it drunk than sober |
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So the
only way to test your theory is for someone to learn darts
completely sober, &, as
darts are played almost exclusively in pubs... |
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The obverse would be an interesting one to try though,
teach someone to drive drunk & never let them behind the
wheel sober then put them through the traffic cone
obstacle course test first sober then drunk, it's predicted
they'll kill fewer traffic cones while drunk than while sober
if they've only ever driven drunk before, it's not a defense
I'd like to try in court mind "but I've only ever driven drunk
before m'lud, so I was being responsible drinking first, cos
I'd have killed lots more pedestrians if I'd been sober see". |
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//So instead of darts, you have aerodynamic toothpicks. Take your shot, walk over and eat the sample you hit// - what, no cube of pineapple? |
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That could be the bullseye. |
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Right then : so you need one dartboard for cheeses, another for libations. |
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If a dartboard is something you throw darts at, then a cheeseboard must be something you throw cheese at. |
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But how do you get the cheese to stick? unless it's like Quoits,
the cheeseboard is flat on the ground & covered in spikes,
you have to hit the spike with the score you want on it. |
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Slightly concerned about what a blackboard is. |
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"one hundred and ate-it" (probably not understood
in the colonies) - crumb+ |
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//Right then : so you need one dartboard for
cheeses, another for libations// |
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I love the whole idea of a throwing based buffet. |
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The drinking game with the pingpong balls is already
a thing. |
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1) In an extraordinarily rare moment of being practical, dart boards have lots of wire dividing the various bits. So, using the wires to hold the cheese/s on the board would work. Except the runny stuff. Or the Chobham armour, the one with the Limberger layers. |
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2) It's April 11th. Oh no, I am 29..again. |
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3) Which also means it's commemoration day for my great-great-uncle Colonel Spats O'NotMorrison. After the Punjab Campaign of '06, he was reduced to the ranks for querying his orders too often. The orders were only delivered verbally "seek and destroy". Not a lot of people know that. |
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I was responding to [hippo]'s //a cheeseboard must be
something you throw cheese at//. |
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What about Swiss cheese, famous for its holes? |
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If your dart lands right in the middle of a hole, do you score more
points, or less? |
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Maybe fewer, but definitely not less. |
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//a cheeseboard must be something you throw cheese at// |
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So, is a surfboard something you throw breaking sea-waves at ? |
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Is a whiteboard something you throw Nazis at ? |
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<activates anti-Godwin deflectors/> |
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What is it with cheese and puns? [+] |
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You could score less points, if, for example, hitting a hole enjoyed a penalty of reducing your overall score by one third. |
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//What is it with cheese and puns? [+]// cheese puns are a minefield - we must tread caerphilly |
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Quite so. No gouda'll come of it. |
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Bonus point for anyone who can name the country that
produces the largest variety of cheeses. |
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In a philosophical sense, it isn't possible to "hit" a hole, as a hole is an absence of anything. You can't hit (interact with) something that isn't there. |
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You can hit nothing. A hole is nothing. Therefore... |
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France.
Every square metre is une autre type de terroir; there's terroirs* everywheres.
Even if Italy makes more variety, France wins due to classification scheme. |
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*No, not the small barky doglets. |
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Surprising, no 'terroir-ism' jokes either. Too obvious? |
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Can't be the US. Cheez Whiz and Velveeta don't count. |
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Suppose the hole was filled with something hard and hittable? |
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Then it wouldn't be a hole any more would it & even if it was
still a hole the thing you'd be hitting wouldn't be the hole
would it, it'd be the something hard and hittable plugging the
hole that you'd hit. |
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Apparently Britain produces the greatest number of varieties of
cheese per head of population. |
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Presumably we also have an abnormally high unemployment rate
amongst statisticians. |
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//Karl was drunk and threw his toothbick in Mike's forehead so he is without cheese.//
But has, instead, delicious brainsssss! |
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You need a country with a large and wealthy population, a tolerance for lactose, and an appreciation of cheese. I'm guessing it's the US. |
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Britain isn't a country I don't think. |
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He's just missed a semi-colon, [Ian]. We are of the opinion that the sentence should read "Britain isn't a country; I don't think." |
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Both statements are correct, although unrelated. |
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A comma would work, though I admit a semicolon perverts the
intention nicely. |
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// I admit a semicolon perverts / |
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"And with that admission, your Honour, we submit that the case of the People vs. [pertinax] is proven beyond reasonable doubt ... " |
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And don't you dare mention tentacles. |
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Is there such a procedure as a semicolonoscopy? |
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