h a l f b a k e r yIf ever there was a time we needed a bowlologist, it's now.
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The ancient Romans had a process called "Damnatio Memoriae", by which every trace of an individual's existence was systematically expunged and erased after their death. This was carried out on several ex-emperors.
A number of respected Imams, who have actually read and understood the Qu'ran - containing
as it does a message of tolerance, and respect for life - have refused to perform the rescribed funeral rites for extremists; even family members have declined to attend the traditional prayer ceremony, a damning indictment of the behavior of the deceased.
We suggest that adherents of ISIS are treated to Damnatio Memoriae Porcorum, whereby after their death* their corpses are minced**, pasteurised, and blended into animal food, then fed to pigs. This should be nicely offensive and blasphemous and while probably not an effective deterrent in any way will be quite satisfying.
* not actually essential.
** Dental fillings and projectile fragments will be removed beforehand; the health and wellbeing of the piggies is the main concern.
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I think some of them actually mince their own corpses, which is helpful. |
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Actually, I have a better plan. We need to launch a brand of bacon called ISIS, as well as ISIL pork scratchings (though ISIL sounds more like a brand of toilet disinfectanct) and DAISH pork luncheon meat. These products will be delicious, nuctritious, and very heavily subsidised by the government. |
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Once these brands become established as household names, the terrorists will have no choice but to change their name yet again. (After all, they used to be called SPAM, and look how long that lasted.) We then repeat the exercise for their new name, etc. |
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Eventually, the entire terrorist network will break down, since none of them will know what they're called that week. |
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// ISIL sounds more like a brand of toilet disinfectanct // |
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It could perhaps be a brand of shiny toilet paper printed with an image of the prophet Mohammed. After all, in WW2, both chamber pots and toilet paper with a likeness of Hit<cough, cough> the Chancellor of Germany on them were manufactured ... |
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I think the image would have to be printed only on the very edges of each sheet, as a sort of prophet margin. |
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Raise Halal pork : get the trotters to face east and grunt 5x a day; put the sows in facebags; occasionally blow up a runt to annoy the sheep, etc. |
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<anybody else hear black snowmobiles in the distance ?> |
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