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I hate speed bumps. Even a normal speeds, they always make me spill whatever I am drinking...
I would like to propose the following solution; a custard-filled, speed-sensitive speed bump. This bump would allow safe passage to all law-abiding vehicles. However, when a fast moving vehicle hits the
bump, the magical properties of custard spring into life.
Custard contains finely ground cornflour and is a 'dilatant' mixture, changing from liquid to solid when pressure is applied. Thus, a benign, rather flaccid bump encountered at low speeds becomes an unforgiving, hardened lump when hit at speed. For blatant speeding > 70MPH, the hump would burst showering the offending vehicle with incriminating custard.
Military installations, could take a different tack, filling their bumps with custard powder. This takes advantage of custard's, better known, explosive properties...
(?) Driving by Braille
http://www.halfbake...ving_20By_20Braille
Maybe this presents another use for dilatant sleeping policemen? [Aristotle, Mar 27 2001, last modified Oct 17 2004]
Ooblick
http://www.catb.org...html/O/ooblick.html
Perhaps redundant ... but from the Jargon File, more references to a fun, hackerrific, non-Newtonian compound. [cswiii, Mar 27 2001, last modified Oct 17 2004]
Pneumatic speed bumps on test.
http://www.st3f.com...kery/speedbumps.jpg
Don't they ever listen. We said, "Custard." C-U-S-T-A-R-D. [st3f, Mar 27 2001, last modified Jul 05 2015]
(?) ? - For votes, + Against votes ?
http://omor.com/b/archives/00000071.html
For is aligned with number of AGAINST votes; Against is aligned with number of FOR votes. [dc2000, Jan 08 2002, last modified Oct 17 2004]
How to shatter silly putty
http://sillyputty.c.../science_bounce.htm
Not the original research, but a corrobrative statement. Sorry best I couold do in the time available. [egbert, Oct 11 2002, last modified Oct 17 2004]
The Custard filled speed bumps are being discussed on another web site
http://web.media.mi...m/ass1/observe.html
So it's only fair that their discussion should be re-discussed here... [DesertFox, Oct 17 2004]
wagsters linkl
http://www.glalibde...rg.uk/news/135.html
[engineer1, Oct 17 2004]
Custard Category
http://www.halfbake.../Custard_20Category
We want custard! We want custard! [DesertFox, Oct 17 2004]
here's what happens when you drop a 50 pound glob of dilatant compound from six stories up
http://csc2.sunbelt-software.com/putty/
silly putty to the extreme! [mihali, Dec 31 2005]
'Smart speedbumps' for mexico
http://www.autoblog...ease-safety-decrea/
They collapse if you're under the speed limit, no word on whether they're custard-powered or not though [mitxela, Oct 16 2009]
Bullet Proof Custard
http://www.telegrap...-proof-custard.html
Pretty much the same principle. [Jinbish, Jul 11 2010]
Gravity Marshalling Yard - from Wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia..._yard#Gravity_yards
A yard where gravity is marshalled [nineteenthly, Jul 11 2010]
Custard can be deadly
http://spacetrawler...5/10/spacetrawler3/
[normzone, May 11 2011]
Speed bumps that flatten under 30 MPH
http://www.yankodes...en-for-slow-speeds/
Speed bumps that flatten under 30 MPH [barnzenen, Jan 06 2012]
Bright Idea: Filling Potholes with Non-Newtonian Fluids
http://blogs.discov...n-newtonian-fluids/
Wonders if Crème brûlée would work... [Dub, Apr 13 2012]
XKCD - How fast can you hit a speed bump while driving and live?
http://what-if.xkcd...&utm_medium=twitter
[Dub, Sep 08 2013]
Non-Newtonian Speed Bump
https://www.youtube...watch?v=2fng6gCjl58
Finally baked [AusCan531, Jun 06 2017]
Hack a day
http://hackaday.com...rs/#comment-3903321
[Dub, Aug 14 2017]
https://www.irjet.n...7/IRJET-V8I7784.pdf
[hippo, Nov 06 2023]
https://www.matfoun..._Liquid_Speed_Bumps
[hippo, Nov 06 2023]
https://www.busines...7-10?op=1&r=US&IR=T
[hippo, Nov 06 2023]
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Annotation:
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Custard road marking could be used as a form of braille for blind drivers. |
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This idea was on the radio this morning. I only heard the trailer, not the actual news item, but they suggested that speed bumps containing polymer gel would allow slower cars to pass easily. |
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The recent news about non-lethal weapons offers us another alternative. There have been developments in a "glue gun" that fires a thick substance of approximately custard-esque consistency, to cause the fleeing felon to be glued in place. We fill the speedbumps therewith, let them explode when a "blatant speeder" (as in riposte's original note) strikes them, and thereby not only apprehend them but reduce their speed sharply -- from, say, 70mph to zero in about 14 inches. Resultant damage to the offender could be heard into evidence at the trial. |
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I think the term you're looking for is 'dilatant', not 'thixotropic'. Thixotropic means that it'll solidify if left still, while dilatant means the required shear force deviates positively from Newtonian behaviour, i.e. shear thickening. Just for the record, 'pseudoplastic' is the opposite of dilatant -- it means shear-thinning. |
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Wow, I can't believe my wet ceramic processing class has proved marginally useful! |
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Thanks Wes, I have corrected the original text from 'thixotropic' to 'dilatant', though I believe custard is both. |
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Ok, so a custard-filled speed bump sounds promising but the manufacturing process would have to be carefully controlled as any lumps in the custard could have a seriously undesirable effect. |
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Consider a car where the car is observing the correct speed and safe passage is permitted, would the lumps not give an effect somewhat akin to driving over cobbles? |
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Perhaps the lumps could be filtered out at deployment time and utilised somewhere else? Any thoughts on possible uses for the custard lump bi-product? An alternative to grit in winter? |
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I think you would need synthetic custard engineered to have the right properties. However identifying the appropriate proporties that custard possesses is a good start to a truely half-baked idea. |
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I think such development costs could be much reduced by some targeted sponsorship deals - e.g. Bird's Custard powder. |
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Which brings me to my next topic, speed bump advertising logos. An advert could be written on the traffic-facing surface of a speed bumps and would prove hard to ignore... On a long road a whole sequence of messages could be placed several bumps. Each one would be punctated by a "bump" thus re-inforcing the message. |
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wouldnt that just leave everyone hating and wanting to destroy the companies who placed the adverts |
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Personally, if I ever found myself *not* boggling for any length of time, I wouldn't keep coming back. :) |
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riposte', would you really want to advertise (presumably) foodstuff on such bumps? I mean, if you consider what you're driving over... and then to want to eat it? I imagine the only things you'd want to advertise on the speed bump would be auto shops (for the repairs) and the bump-making company itself. The food adverts would probably work anyway, with as little attention as the suckers pay, but still. |
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Condoms are flexible, and rarely break... [expecting] |
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I suppose you'll be suggesting internet by custard next |
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Nice one, waugsqueke! I think I might change my name to Mr Flexihump. |
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all too true, waugs. But then there is still that little 'Panic PIN' notion... |
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[Current Tally: +25 votes and 1 against] |
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I am deeply moved... (I suspect the negative vote was cast by either my project manager or my mum...) |
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However, it looks like the idea is baked (see Flexihump Ltd). I bet their filling is neither as cheap or as tasty, though... |
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Suggesting an idea that is so bizarre that people disbelieve it and then having someone discovering that it is baked is one the of the joys of the HalfBakery. |
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My original idea was for a "Speed Bump Memorial"... This was inspired by the alternate name for speed bumps in the UK - "sleeping policeman". |
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What could be more dignified than to remember a sadly-departed community policeman by embeding him in a concrete (or custard) bump and placing on the road. |
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The memorial bump would incorporate a low-profile head stone at one end and a brass-plaque (curved) detailing the usual epitaph... |
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"Here lies, Albert - age 93, giving citizens a rough ride since 1907" |
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In that case you turned a rather macabre idea into a rather inspired one instead. Saying that there does seem to be a need for certain English politicians (on both sides) to be buried under ballrooms to accomodate all the people who want to dance on their graves. |
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Of course, if you didn't like the person under the speed bump, you could always reverse over them - just to make sure... |
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(I wonder if this is worthy of a separate thread?) |
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I have thought of a handy addition to this idea => a 'polaroid' camera speed bump. |
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The camera would consist of a sealed bags of Palladium, Peroxide and 'boiled rhubarb' in an cast-iron container. When the bump is hit at speed, the ensuing shock releases the solutions, thus mixing the ferrous oxalate and palladium to produce a 'platinotype' photograph. |
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The 'camera' would be embedded on the near-side of the 'bump' so as to capture the license plate at the moment of impact. |
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This powerful combination of Rhubarb and Custard would catch many a speeding motorists. |
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Merry Custard and a Hellman's Mayonnaise to all! |
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Put a two-way custard turbine generator in the middle of the speed bump, and when a car going one way crosses, it generates electricity as the custard squishes over to the other side. When a car comes from the other direction, the cycle is complete, ready for another micro custardwatt to be fed into your home-based custard power substation. |
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How about a piezoelectric material? I understand some snowboards use piezoelectric materials so as to become stiffer under rapid deformation; the same goal would apply here. |
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On a related note, I've thought for quite awhile that it might be good to make some car body/bumper structures out of such material so as to vary crush-resistance with speed. If the car is in a collision severe enough that the car will be totaled in any event, the optimal outcome is for the front of the car to be crushed just barely to the point that it can't crush anymore. If it doesn't crush all the way, the occupant of the car will have received more severe forces than were necessary; if it does crush all the way, the user will take a major wallop from any kinetic energy that remains. A properly-designed piezoelectric bumper system could alleviate these problems. |
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I love this idea (except for the custard part). Could it be linked to a radar system, where cars traveling too quickly would activate the speed bump (inflate, harden, whatever your process) and eliminate the need for speeding tickets? All roads would be self- adjusting and speed limits could vary according to traffic and time of day. |
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Your cannae not love the custard part [uneekware] - its the heart if the idea (literally). The beauty is you wouldn't need all the techie stuff - custard behaves this way anyway if you hit it at speed. |
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In my neck of the woods most of the speed bumps are not built as a continuous obstruction across the whole road, but instead as a series of rectangular raised patches. |
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I guess this would translate into a row of custard tarts: the idea being that emergency vehicles can straddle (struddle?-) the bumps and not have to slow down. |
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The problem is that any driver who has more than 2.5 neurons allocated to steering/eye co-ordination, and is driving something bigger than a Smart or a Mini, can easily struddle the bumps too, maybe just crunching slightly over the crusts, as it were. |
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So although I love the idea, is custard smart enough to defeat the town planners as well as the loonie drivers? |
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This is perfect. The Bump should be a container constructed of 3/8" thick nylon reinforced rubber, and shaped like a speed bump. It should be pressurized to 35 PSI with custard, and offer a progressive pressure increase under deflection so that the amount of custard expelled under impact is exponentially dependant on the weight of the vehicle. |
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A bumper contact paddle positioned in front of the custard bump will push a preloaded donut magazine at the speed of the vehicle while custard pressure is over 38 PSI. A custard outlet hose attached to a reciprocating injection needle will fill donuts as the vehical passes so that donuts are automatically filled, boxed and then slammed through the drivers window with a prepackaged hot coffee for each 6 donuts generated. Closed windows mean no donuts and a huge mess (the penaly for driving a big, donut generating vehicle but not actually eating donuts). The heavier the vehicle, the more donuts are generated. Huge SUV's with lots of large, heavy passengers get the most donuts, plus they get even heavier for their next pass. Economy cars with anorexic people get nothing. |
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The whole program should be implemented by Dunkin Donuts and paid for by a special donut tax on SUV's. Police cars would carry a wireless donut card and get an automatic half dozen release. |
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[Autonome] very nice, I like it a lot. |
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I do not think the idea can work. The biggest problem is that a large vehicle weighs more and therefore applies more pressure. So, the large vehicles will not even be able to go the speed limit while the subcompacts will be able to speed right over it. On second though, that is not so bad since subcompacts are not dangerous while SUV's should be outlawed altogether. |
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Ahh but isn't the real question here "What flavor?"? |
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Install 'anti-bumpifier' transmitters in emergency/police vehicles. As the vehicles near the speed bumb, a charge transimitted to the custard negates the custard's solidification. |
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Better yet, why use the speed bump so directly. Install electronics in all registered vehicles. Sideposts at street intersections and 'slow' areas modulate traffic speed. |
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Highway chases would all come to resemble the OJ chase, else highway chases become simply impossible. |
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Alternatively you could have some kind of custard injection into the emergency vehicle's tyres. As the vehicle goes over the speed bump, a transmitter on the bump tells the sensor onboard the vehicle to inject custard immediately into the tyres. The vehicle continues going, only having hit the up-slope of the speed bump, the increased diameter of the tyres removing the down slope. Custard can then be slowly extracted from the tyres and returned into the custard injector until the next speed bump is met. |
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SILLY PUTTY!!!
Silly putty is another common dilatant compound that has properties similar to custard, but much more so. If you slowly stretch silly putty, it stretches fine. But yank on it hard and it snaps in half. In fact if you drop it from a high building, silly putty SHATTERS!!!
Silly Putty Filled Speed Bumps! |
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//In fact if you drop it from a high building, silly putty SHATTERS// The version I read says it bounces then shatters on the second strike, so all you need to do is hit it fast with the front wheels and the rear wheels will smash it to pieces. Not very comfortable for you, but a sterling service to the rest of the community. I'll try to find the link. |
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Place a camera at the bump, facing oncoming traffic, to guage the speed of the oncoming vehicle. It is then connected to a custard pump to inflate the bump for speeders, or deflate it to negligibility (I hope that's a word) for moderate drivers. |
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Why don't we just go the whole hog and have a huge steel blade come up out of the ground? The faster you're going the more you get splatted! After all, speeding is a far more anti-social activity than clogging up the road with an accident. |
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The best traffic calming situation I have ever seen is where residents park their cars down one side of a narrow street - or even better, alternate on both sides. This exists in the streets adjacent to where I live, and what are the council doing? Building resident's car parks and installing speed bumps! |
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Have no speed bump. Regular people will dirve slow. Fast drivers will trigger a launcher that launches custard on to the bottom of their car. After a few days the car would stink. Everytime a person gets in or out of the car, they will smell rotten custard. That will be a deterant and will keep them from speeding. |
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Couldn't a simular principle be applied across a range of applications, creating an entire ecomony based on custard powered and derived devices? Which leaves, unanswered the one vital question, of what flavour custard would be used for the speed bumps <?> |
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My dog makes a substance that might deter them. |
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I think a criossant is appropriate here. Though for me the custard speed bumps wouldn't be a deterant. As a matter-of-fact that would make me want to speed... I love custard and as long as there is fresh custard in the speed bumps... the mysterious Urban_kayaker would have her car ready and roaring to go... P.S. fill the speed bumps with strawberry custard, its my favourite. |
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NO NO NO WHAT YOU NEED IS,CUSTARD CAMERAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
WHICH DETECT SPEEDING VEHICLES
AND SPLAT!! |
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(NAMED, BLAMED, AND SHAMED) |
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Near my high school the city built a small round-about to stop teenagers from speeding and giving the people in the nieghborhood a "speed bump free" enviroment. The only thing the round-about did was thwart old drivers(who don't speed anyway.) The round-about provied us with the challange of testing our potential formula one skills. |
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Why not engineered like a fart bag? It'd add some humor to an idiotic car damaging idea. |
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Lying in bed last night, kept awake
by cars racing by my
window for hours (25 mph is the
limit on my street, most
cars doing about 50); after 2 calls
to the police, I invented
much the same contraption, but it
involved all the techie
stuff: radar guns, hydraulic rams
lifting hinged steel plates
and such. I only post this for my 2
(I think) unique
suggestions, |
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1. Give a 7 mph over the limit
grace period, then start
jacking up the bump until it
becomes a 2 foot thick steel
wall, 5 feet high at 20 mph over
the limit, or so (further
testing required) (they won't be
speeding no mo) |
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2. On freeways, same grace
period, then have continuous
series of steel plates begin to
angle up to create an
increasingly bone shattering
washboard effect (ever tried
driving fast on bad washboard on
a dirt road? its hell.) |
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[bfrank] Some problems with custard-compatibility here.... |
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Why not just use stainless-steel filings in a bit of custard? Hmm, on second thoughts the steel would never de-magnetise. It might be better to use regular iron filings and de-oxygenated custard. We wouldn't want the filings to rust... |
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//Speed bumps are the work of satin // |
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Satin-covered speed bumps? Wouldn't velvet be better, more traction? |
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Lets forget about speedbumps and make everything else out of Custard. Yum! |
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i would speed to get the sweet custardy goodness... but how often would the custard be changed to keep it fresh? |
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Can't you just see people stickin' a straw or spoon in the speed bumps to get a taste? Come to think of it, I had a teacher once that looked like a giant, custard-filled speed bump... (hee, hee!) |
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In areas where the custard-filled speed bump is employed, would it not be wiser to deliver custard only to the driver who obeys the limit? |
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Why not 'go the whole hog' and add a system that allows custard to be delivered cleanly and safely to the safe driver.. Perhaps cars could be programmed with the type of custard the driver desires each day, so the speed bumps can interact wirelessly and delivery whatever flavour appropriate. |
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I'd happily pay road tax safe in the knowledge i'd get hot custard of my daily choice everytime I drove slowly over a speed bump... |
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Oh yeah.. cars would also have to be equipped with straws for the driver, so they can suck on their custard straw and drive safely at the same time... [+] |
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Yes, the magical properties of custard! But I would be tempted to cut it open and eat it... |
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Well it all seems fine to just say that the good drivers will be rewarded with custard, but how much of a reward is that for people who are lactose intolerant?
Then it would seem that they would have to drive wrecklessly to ensure they don't get exposed.
The custard should stay where it was originally intended - under speed bumps.
And the idea about the weights of cars affecting the number of doughnuts made seemed slightly unfair, that would distribute them unevenly, there should be more doughnuts for those cars weighing the least - therefore leaving a lower chance of making the fat fatter, and giving less doughnuts to those who weigh less. Maybe a system involving some kind of pulleys could be used to get the doughnuts to where they are really needed, like to orphanages or wherever poverty is rife? |
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Is custard really dilitant? |
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Just noticed that I had not tossed my croisant on the heap.
Fixed. |
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Seriously brilliant. Only reason I can think that they haven't used dilatants in speed bumps is that, they loose their properites after some time. |
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Robinism, it's called a link. |
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I just had the cartoonish vision of some unfortunate soul sucking the custard of one of these bumps and a car rounding the corner and hitting the bump and squish. Custard coming outta every opening. |
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//maybe those convicted of speeding should be made to contribute to the cause, by somehow being involved in the custard production process. // |
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To prevent speeding, surely the best thing to do is to create (basically) a coffin in the speedbumbs, with access to air (through a tube of some sort) and place speeders in there. They would be put in at 4 am and taken out after rush hour. The "coffin" would be unbreakable, but have just enough give so you can feel the pressure change in the custard. They then have to clear the coffin out afterwards. |
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See the 'Pneumatic speed bumps on
test.' link for an earlier picture. (By the
way, you can post URLs as links by
using the 'link' button -- your link
already posted by engineer1) |
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[Rufus] Not too sure about that, I had the coffin idea a while ago but mine was under train tracks. The problem is that I intended it as a weird form of fun. I'd be tempted to speed past the police station in order to get into the coffin. |
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Wouldn't the rubber wear out rather quickly, spraying the innocent with custard, like a delicious scarlet letter? |
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Before clicking on this, I said to my self "Self, I bet you 100 croissants that [notmarkflynn] is the last annotator, because he saw this on Krelniks Newbie rules, and wanted to check it out." |
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We should start a pool on how many fishbones I can get in a week. |
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Can we attach a small bell on to this idea? Then, whenever someone gives it a bun or a bone, we know someone's entered the building |
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this discusion is making me hungry |
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my college parking lot has horrible speed bumps every 10 feet. i have found that i am able to take them going quite fast and with only a very small vibration if i let my right hand wheels ease up onto the curb a little just before the bump. then i let them ease off after the bump. for some reason, this cuts down the shock of the bump by more than 75% i would guess (not the 50% you may have expected!) |
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//I think the term you're looking for is 'dilatant', not 'thixotropic'// |
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I think the term you're looking for is not 'dilatant', but 'dilettante'. |
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Oh dear! I forgot to eat breakfast! I'll go pop a speedbump.(+) |
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You see, [fett625], if only you'd named it
"Name Machine with custard", you'd have
been bunned to the gunwhales by now. |
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Thanks to your advice, now I have 7 plus votes. And a lot of custard. |
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well get me ma knife I's going speedbump poping for lunch |
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Yes, [crash] if you look carefully there's a little warning sign "Caution: Contents may be hot." |
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Sometimes, when I happen to be driving and don't wan't to hit a speed bump, I just turn really quickly. The car is then riding on 2 wheels and can slip through the small gap between the bumps. Or, I could put a small ramp in front of the bumps. But I like the 2 wheel approach better. |
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This thread went on for SEVEN YEARS.wow. was this the beginning of 'Custard'? |
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Not Quite - this thread went on for five years, sat dormant for two and was then resurrected simply by mentioning it's (disputed) longevity. |
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Damn! I've done it myself now. |
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Look what you made me do! |
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Oh well, now you and I seem to have continued it. perhaps it could be continued perpetually? It seems like a fun topic. |
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How about adding custard-filled fords to splash through??
And one-lane hump back bridges over the custard river??
But not necessarily tangerine trees or marmalade skies. |
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Ahh, memories. The custard filled speed bump I
invented back in 2002 only to find it had already
been posted on some bizarre site called "the
Halfbakery." |
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Disappointing as that was, I've been enjoying coming
to this, the most interesting site on the web ever
since. |
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I remember seeing (probably on Tomorrow's World), the use of silly putty-filled cylinders used as speed arrestors in gravity marshalling yards. |
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[awol], more information about these yards where gravity is marshalled, please. |
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Sorry, I was in the garden |
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// Lying in bed last night, kept awake by cars racing by my window for hours (25 mph is the limit on my street, most cars doing about 50); after 2 calls to the police, I invented much the same contraption, but it involved all the techie stuff: radar guns, hydraulic rams lifting hinged steel plates and such. // |
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I've considered launching remote controlled robot children riding bikes in front of the speeding cars in my area. There'd need to be some mechanism to make sure there are no real humans within crashing distance, of course. The robot children would be full of blood and offal and would explode on impact. |
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Only to let it resurface! |
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Like that cornstarch gloop from 4th grade! I love it.
[+] |
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Are there even 178 people on HB? |
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Just out of curiousity, was this post the origin of the whole
custard thing, or does that go back further? |
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Custard goes back to the very beginning of time, I
believe. Cause I believe in custard. |
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Deservedly little-known factoid: the difficult-to-
translate Hebrew "tohu ve vohu" actually means
"custard" |
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In other news, thanks to [DIYMatt], there now
exists, on the Halfbakery, a speed bump bump. |
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I'm not sure why I bothered asking. I knew none of you
would give me a straight answer. |
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That's why I love you guys. (If I weren't so allergic to
emoticons, I'd do the smiley-face one. Or the smiley-
winky-face. Where the hell is my epi pen?) |
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"a speed bump bump", now that's funny. |
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an unmentioned feature of this marvel of civil
engineering, is that it would constitute a nationwide
strategic reserve of custard. Should the worst
happen, we'll be OK for custard for a bit. A very
comforting thought. |
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Sadly I think that might require weaponised speed bumps. |
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<sniggering and arm-flapping> |
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Since [Ian] posted that, this has been on my mind and the
more I think about it, the more it seems like something
which should be seriously proposed to someone. A speed
bump on each end of a bridge, bearing in mind that there
have now been two attacks on bridges, would seem to make
sense. |
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Bridges aren't designed to take the repetitive impact
of 20-ton lorries bouncing over speed bumps all day |
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What's more, kamikaze drivers won't be worried about loosening their fillings, or bending the suspension of their rented or stolen vehicle. In WW2, jap pilots weren't noticeably concerned about the risk of airframe damage ... |
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Um, insensitive high explosive with a tantalum carbide
shield maybe? |
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There's no problem producing extremely insensitive H.E. ... Torpex has been around for decades, so need for a super-hard cover. Cast blocks of Ammonal would be cheap, safe and convenient. |
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Finally baked, mainly in Spain. [Link] |
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Whoa! Custard speed bump woman is pretty hot.
(00:40) |
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Not at all like those conventional speed bump hags. |
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I came to this site many years ago with an idea: soft
speedbumps that could be driven over easily and quietly
at low speed but that would function as speed bumps at
high speed. That day I learned terms like "marked for
deletion" and "widely known to exist" and "check your
spelling newbie" but still intrigued, I came back for more.
That was almost 20 years ago. To celebrate my first idea
posted here, I've taken a good poem and made it less so
by changing the words. |
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I met a baker from a far off land
who said—“Speed bumps like custard soft,
my dreams of wealth, and great acclaim.” |
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Shattered though with posts of fury.
Sarcastic cold like cutting blades
tell this baker well what came before.
For on those annos these words appear: |
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"THIS IS WELL BAKED! LOOK UPON THESE LINKS AND
DESPAIR!" |
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Nothing but the bones remain,
of that colossal dream. Bun-less and barren,
into the vast and endless history files.
It fades into time. |
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+ for poetry doctorremulac3.
++ for Ozymandias.
Check out my profile page for my poor attempt at it from some years ago! |
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Well heck doc, yours is actually good!
Maybe this should be another category. |
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The Ravings of an Eedjit (Poem No.1) |
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I met a surfer from a half-baked site
Who said: One croissant and a pile of bones
Stand by my idea. And beneath, in harsh anno’s,
half sunk, my shattered posting lies, whose prose
And spelling poor, and mix of many tense
Tell that its author was not well read.
Which yet survive, writ on the world wide web,
By pedants mocked and newbies shred;
And on my posting these words appear:
“We should use nanobots, and GM tech;
Why can’t we all just learn to share?”
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
of that vast WIBNI, heated and terse,
The flames stretch down the page. |
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Thank'ee :)
It was originally posted as an idea but we went through a period where the 'bakery was being swamped in them, so I deleted my ones & moved them to my profile page. |
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[riposte] marked himself as somehow British ("custard","mum","sleeping policeman") whereas I have never seen [doc] descend into Britishisms. Has the halfbakery somehow made him less British? |
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Maybe I'll put this up as a category, "Halfbakery Poems
Based On Other Poems." |
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I seem to remember there are other instances of
somebody taking a classic and "customizing" it to describe
a Halfbakery aspect. |
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Eh, why not? I'll put it up. People can either throw their
existing ones in or write new ones. I know we're got some
very talented poets here. No, I'm not being sarcastic with
that statements. Nor with that one. |
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These actually exist now (see last three links) - sadly none of the literature cites this idea as inspiration |
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