Cracked Quotes

Having observed that the ’bakery has a little used Literature section, I decided to fill it up a bit with some literary inventions I have named Cracked Quotes. [I spent a couple of hours searching for a site for similar literary jokes and found none]. [Correct me!] Here’s the first batch. Warning : I have hundreds more.

“Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker”, wrote OGDEN NASH. But when I tried liquor it made me much sicker ... woops - I must dash.

”None but the brave deserve the fair”, wrote DRYDEN, with commonsense at zero, for a woman would rather spend time with an interesting coward than with a boring hero.

“Use your frog as if you loved him”, wrote ISAAK WALTON. [Sometimes I wish he’d come back as a frog or a fish, or be eaten by eels, to know how it feels.]

Wrote RUPERT BROOKE “And is there honey still for tea?” [Sorry, no. Too many calories in it for me.]

A nightingale’s got a “fiery heart” claimed WORDSWORTH. [Cheap writing sir. Pay more attention to the bird’s worth.]

JOHN DRINKWATER “washed wondrous apples with moonlight”. [Check for white coats when doing this late at night.]

“A little of what you fancy does you good”, said MARIE LLOYD, putting it more succinctly than Sigmund Freud.

MACBETH “threw his physic to the dogs” and got into fights with Animals’ Rights.

Here endeth the first instalment. [Shouts of NO MORE NO MORE are heard from all parts of the galaxy.]