Cow-y-oke

Okay, my apologies in advance to those who aren't used to waking up to the smell of alfalfa with the milk removed.

It's pretty well documented that cows like music. Playing music to cows results in better growth, more milk production, and a calmer disposition. This can be very important on those winter mornings when the heifers come into the milking barn with their tails frozen solid and their moods in a knot...

Cows are musical creatures. They vocalize to each other; they have a very wide range of expression. From contented lowing, through a gently reminding moo, to an outraged bellow - cows are seldom lacking in communicating their needs to their keepers. And a cow in full voice, while not likely to shatter a wine glass, can certainly send ripples across the windshield of your tractor from three furlongs off.

Too many insensitive people think "music for cows" is just "country music". This couldn't be more wrong. Country music often glamorizes roping, branding, harassment, imprisonment and mutilation of cows. They are really sweet, sensitive individuals who don't willingly go for such things.

So throw down the guitar and let's find some music a cow can appreciate. Probably something with pipe organs. Synthesized shallow glissandos and rounded vowels. Consonants designed for a bovine's limitations, and crescendos tailored to their strengths.

It might not sound too musical to us. But to them - well, we can only wait to hear what they say.