Coughee, Cough-E

This would be, alternatively, a coffee drink that is food- engineered to have in it something that opens up the valve in-between the paths to your stomach and to your lungs, in your throat, so that were you to drink this concoction, the valve would open up, the coffee would go down the wrong way, you would cough uncontrollably and the puniness of the product would be fulfilled, thus providing sone sense of closure/pith, and hopefully creating demand. Alternatively, the concoction could have in it, either MDMA, or vitamin E, so that it could both fufil it's pithiness qotient and provide some function, or not, but still provide enough novelty as an idea to merit inclusion in the half bakery, QED or whatever.