h a l f b a k e r yIt's not a thing. It will be a thing.
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Think back to the last real argument in your life. Got it? Now replay it in your head, the tears, the pain, the sheer horribleness of it all. Nasty wasn't it? It's all behind you now, but you could really have done with some help at the time.
Right, excercise two. Imagine it all again, but this
time at the worst point you leave the room and return five minutes later. With a gnu. Can you picture the fight continuing in the warm, placid presence of a gnu? No, didn't think so. Furthermore, do you know anyone who can confidently continue laying into you when you have a gnu standing behind you? I don't.
Ten pounds a month buys you in to the gnu pool. Tethered in the park, walked and fed by volunteers and available to all members at short notice in times of crisis.
Relax, it's all going to be fine. Let go and snuggle up to the gnu.
Alpaca swimsuit !?!? - no, but this one's winging it
http://www.stevens....0on%20med%20blu.jpg
[hits self in forehead repeatedly] [normzone, Dec 23 2004]
[link]
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If this works, it's gnus to me. |
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//Let go and snuggle up to the gnu.// |
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Wouldn't that be abit horny? [+] |
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“What would you say
were this wildebeest away
Then you couldn’t make things new
just by saying I love gnu” |
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the gnu looks like an evil creature. what about lamb, or better yet a lamb casserole. |
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"be a lamb, won't you dear?"
"I couldn't, it's too fur for me" |
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"But I hate being at the pool all by myself!"
"Okay... alpaca swimsuit." |
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more on that story later, this just in - gnus anchor sinks to bottom of communal pool |
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You guys go ahead to the gnu pool without me, I'm heading for the gnu'd beach. |
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i gnu'd you say something like that |
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I just checked in on this idea, then checked my answering machine.
In that annoying electronic voice, the damn thing said "MAILBOX:ONE:ONE GNU MESSAGE:" |
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gnus call you on the telephone? what do they say? |
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Usually it's "Nothing gnu with me, how about you".
But once I got a message about a gnu theatre opening up on the site of what had been a milk cow farm. It was called the....... |
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"I'm a G'nu. spelled G-N-U. I'm not a bison nor a Kangaroo. G'nor am I in the least like that dreadful Hartebeast! Oh, G'no, G'no, G'no. I'm a G'nu"
= Flanders and Swann |
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Hmmm. The last argument I had was when my girlfriend caught me looking at a bestiality site on the internet. This would have been just about the worst thing I could have done. |
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I say skin them to make the emperor some gnu clothes. |
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The last argument I had with my girlfriend was about music. She insisted Adam & the Ants were punk and not gnu wave. |
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Godammit, I can't think of any puns--you just made me dig up some of the most painful memories... Come to think of it, a gnu would've been very helpful. Hmmm. Yeah, I think it would. Hahaha, I could just see it ramming its horns into that idiot. Yeah, great, I'm feeling a lot better. I gnu [wags] wouldn't let me down. |
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It worked! There I was having an argument with my beloved, when I said, "Okay, there's only one way to defuse this - I'm going to go get gnu'd." |
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"No! Fine! I believe you! Sheesh..." |
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Put them in kilts..."Och aye, the gnu...." |
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A search for [alpaca swimsuit] yields only one hit - this page. I'm going to be scarred for life. |
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[We see a young boy named Ed, learning how to write his name correctly. The teacher gently corrects him, and a smile lights up his face] |
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