h a l f b a k e r yCeci n'est pas une idée.
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Like many people, I like to eat bacon that is still a bit chewy and meat-like, rather than cracker-like. Here's a way to cook said bacon while eliminating as much of the fatty grease as possible.
The machine: A vertical rotating shaft with Baconclamps (pat pend) at regular intervals, a forced hot
air device, a clever grease trap, and a cylindrical grease hood with corresponding lid.
The technique: With the device turned off for safety, attach one end of individual slices of raw bacon to the shaft with supplied Baconclamps. Lower the grease hood over bacon to create the "bacon chamber". Turn on the hot air and rotating shaft. The spinning shaft forces the bacon into a near horizontal position through centrifugal force, which not only circulates the hot air, but also flings the grease onto the inside of the grease hood. The unwanted grease runs down to the clever grease trap (clever trap, not clever grease).
The whole process can be observed through the clear lid, or get the deluxe model with the clear hood so the whole family can watch.
Huffing the bacon fumes vented from the top (aka Bacon Bong) is not recommended.
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This is a fine idea in many ways: concept, depiction, "bacon chamber", savory delicious horizontal clever bacon... |
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It occurs to me that [half]'s "shock dogs" concept could be applied here, obviating the need for hot hair. |
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I can't decide whether this is a high-powered bacon hair-dryer, or hot pork centrifuge. Perhaps it's a combination of both. |
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Needless to say, the best way to cook bacon is to lightly dust it on both sides with flour, before sizzling in butter in an open frying pan on medium to high heat. It's not healthy by any standards, but you do retain the choice juicy meatyness of the bacon as well as developing a crisp and satisfyingly crispy texture. |
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Not at all, [z_t]. I've never heard of this method, but will certainly be trying it this weekend. Mmmmmmm, crispy bacon. |
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I successfully cooked slab bacon on the grill this past weekend. The secret: aluminum foil on grill surface, to prevent massive flareup from grease. Grill with lid off. This way, the house is not stunk up with bacon stink. The slab bacon (usually in butcher or deli counter) stands up better than thin strips. |
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Won't the bacon get stretched? Sometime when seperating sliced bacon fron the slab it stretches, won't the centifugal force do the same thing? |
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This is a great idea. I envision an industrial model that has several clamps consisting of two parts connecting together to form a circle that grip the rotating shaft. Six or eight pieces of bacon are then attached to each clamp. After clamping the bacon to the two parts, they are connected together at the base of the shaft, then slowly move up as they rotate and the bacon cooks. The cooked bacon comes out the top of the Centrifugal Bacon Cooker. The speed of travel up the shaft could be adjusted to help determine the crispy-ness of the bacon. I would adjust mine to be just a bit on the crispy side. |
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What I'm envisioning is this thing will work like a top-load washing machine in the spin cycle.. add enough heat to cook bacon and a good way to clamp it in the upright position. |
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I like my bacon crispy, but I would still use this thing to fling the grease off the bacon. Genious. |
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It might need tumbling before spinning, to dislodge pockets of fat. A bit like a washing machine, I suppose. |
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I think I have an old washing mashine that quit working... With some tinkering, I might just have me a Centrifugal Hot-Air Bacon Cooker... But don't worry, I'll send you all some delicious bacon, spun to order, in the mail shortly. |
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I think that instead of hanging the bacon radially from the shaft, it would be better to lie it on the outsides of a perforated drum, like a clothes dryer or one of those carnival rides that sticks people to the outsides of a centrifuge. The only problem would be sticking the bacon in there while it's stationary. Maybe little spikes or hooks would hold it there. You could also put a heater element like the ones found in toasters on the central shaft, to add a little bit of radial broiling action to the party. |
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Me? No, I'm not here for the bacon.
I'm here to get me some of that radial broiling action. |
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Pass me the Bacon Bong,[methinksnot]. When is [baconbrain] showing up? He would probably dig this. |
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Sorry, [ras], I've been cleaning up after an ice storm. No electricity or phone for a while. |
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I do like this idea, both for bacon and for centrifugal action. |
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If the clamps were twisted up/down just a little, like so: / / / / /, the bacon slices would act as the fan blades to move the air. |
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Excellent idea [baconbrain]! I'll add the /////// idea to the patent application for the Baconclamps... |
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//Needless to say, the best way to cook
bacon is to lightly dust it on both sides
with flour, before sizzling in butter in
an open frying pan on medium to high
heat.// I'm not sure about the flour (or
the butter - tends to burn at the
temperature I'd use for bacon), but I
whaleheartedly agree that frying is the
only humane thing to do to decent
bacon. Ohhhh - smoked streaky, with
the rind left on..... |
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Oh, and you have to mop up some of
the bacon fat with white bread. |
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It may not be healthy, but food is not
medicine. |
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I just love that. Please don't change it. |
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I wasn't going to. Amazing things,
transplants. |
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Wouldn't you get the same results just by using a Foreman grill? I'll admit, the flinginess of the device sounds very entertaining. |
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I first envisioned a sort of fluidized bed combustion sort of thing, keeping the bacon aloft by a powerful jet of (very) hot air. |
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Bacon Bong not geting you there? Try Corned Beef Hashish. It cures its own munchies. |
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On cooking up some wondrously greasy eggplant slices I conceived of the grease centrifuge, in which one could spin greasy foods. But the fine CHAB-C here could be put to exactly that use: one might have the option to leave the heat off but simply spin foods cooked in other ways or elsewhere. |
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// Mmmmmmm, crispy bacon //
Words to treat the pleasure center of the brain. Indeed! |
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