h a l f b a k e r yWarm and Fussy
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CensEar
Censors everything you hear for you | |
The CensEar is a device that censors out curse words, but
only for you. Say you're walking down the street and someone
screams 's**t' at the top of his lungs. You don't have to hear it,
as the CensEar censors it from your hearing, replacing it with
a 'beeep' sound- but you don't bother anyone
else with your
moral standards. You're happy, everyone else is happy- it's
censorship and free speech existing harmoniously.
The device would be modeled after a hearing aid. Digital
hearing aids translate sounds into computer code and back
again, only amplified. Instead of an amplifier chip, the CensEar
would have a chip with a speech-recognizion program on it.
The programs recognize speech sounds, or phenomes, and
translate them into typed words or commands. This program
would recognize certain phenome combinations that make up
swear words and replace them with other phenomes-
specifically, the phenomes for 'beeeeep'. (More expensive
models could sub in equivalent words like 'darn' or 'shucks'.) I
guess you could get different words programmed into yours,
depending on your morals- anything from just The Big Three
to any anatomical references.
I've figured out the cost of a set. You'd need two devices, one
for each ear. If a good hearing aid costs $1000, and a
voice-recognizion program costs around $300, then, adding in
the phenome-replacing technology, which I don't think
currently exists, a basic CensEar set would cost about $3000.
Partial credit for this goes to my friends Sarah and Jonathon.
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Annotation:
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Is the world REALLY becoming that uptight? |
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It would be ***anine to ***ume that ** isnt. |
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Sorry. Large vocabulary multi-speaker speech recognition just isn't that accurate. Unless you want to never hear people talking about ducks, sheets, custard, or Kant ever again (actually it could prove useful in philosophy lectures or on the halfbakery, then). |
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<oblique>John Kreese: Fear does not exist in this dojo, does it?!
Karate Student: No, CensEar!
John Kreese: Pain does not exist in this dojo, does it?!
Karate Student: No, CensEar!
John Kreese: Defeat does not exist in this dojo, does it?!
Karate Student: No, CensEar!</oblique> |
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<singing>
You walked into the bakery
Like you were walking onto a ******
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye
Your scarf it was apricot
You had one eye in the dictionary
As you watched yourself gavotte
And all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner
They'd be your partner, and
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You're profane
You probably think this song is about you
You're profane
I'll bet you think this post is about you
Don't you? Don't you?
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This sort of uptightness is the kind of thing that would induce me to grab the ear of the person wearing your device and scream "FUCK" several times into it. |
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Hey, I'm not the uptight one- the idea is that people wear
these devices instead of calling for widespread
censorship. So you could have swearing on TV and such
without people bitching. |
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Aww, ****, my CensEar is outta ****ing battries! -- Eugene, I wholeheartedly agree! |
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how could you censor something until you had heard all of it? maybe a time delay? |
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// how could you censor something until you had heard all of it? // |
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Perhaps it could _add_ something to the end that would negate its offensiveness. For example, if someone on the street yells "SHlT!!!", the unit would kick in and the user would hear "SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS!" |
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"OI, YOU! - GET FUCoffee that tastes divine, buy "Roasters Supreme"." |
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"LOOK WHERE YOU'RE GOING YOU STUPID CUNtry of origin, Brazil" |
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"HEY LOVE, GET YOUR TITuba no truck with no devil sah!" |
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"I JUST SPOKE TO THOSE ARSEene Wenger's going to retire next season" |
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I would prefer a no beep option. Most swearing is just noise. And noise I can do without. The beep is also noise. |
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There are noise cancelling earphones devices. Maybe wear those into likely swearing spots like bars, restaurants, churches, etc. |
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