Catnip Cologne

I have cats and love having them - mostly. I also have no trouble attracting them. Generally cats and I get along very well.

I do know a few people, though, who would very much like to be better acquainted with cats, but the cats won't give them the figurative time of day.

At my house we have a healthy patch of catnip growing among the other herbs. Don't mow it if you don't want lots more. My idea is simple: for the poor souls who want to get closer to cats, make the cats want to get closer to them. The incentive: drugs.

Research indicates that catnip works on cats by stimulating the pleasure centers of their brains. That explains all that purring and orgiastic lolling about all over the stuff. Making a weak dilution of catnip puree and spraying it lightly directly on the person wanting more cat attention will, over time, cause the cat to associate that person with a pleasurable sensation. Stepping down the intensity of the cologne with succeeding contact with the cat will allow the cat to maintain the association while extinguishing the need for the catnip's charisma boosting effects.

Mixing a much stronger dilution and spraying it surreptitiously onto your worst enemy (especially if he's allergic to cats) may be the best non-witchcraft curse you could cast.