h a l f b a k e r yThe phrase 'crumpled heap' comes to mind.
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Coming, as I do, from a country so abysmally primitive
(Just ask [MaxwellBuchanan], who's never been beyond the
gates of his anarchist commune aka university
department)... a country so far removed from the great
trashpiles of Northern Hemisphere civilisation that food is
only available in
cans that fall mysteriously from the sky
each month, under parachutes.
This being the case, I've decided to do something about
the problem of cans that are tough enough to break can
openers (which also fall from the aforementioned sky).
The new CATDB (Can Opener That Doesn't Break) is a
ballistically-reinforced bucket attached to a 1500 tonne
hydraulic press.
Put the can in the device; position the bucket; move to a
safe location and press the START button. The can is
quickly crushed and its contents are ejected into the
bucket, from which they can be retrieved, for
consumption.
Works on cans up to 55 US gallons.
Every kitchen should have one.
How To Hunt Deer
http://www.thecoffe...jokes/aaaaabkq.html
So simple when you know how … [8th of 7, Jul 16 2012]
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so I go to the dollar-store and buy a stamped-metal can opener with a punch opener on one of the arms. |
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3 months later it's broken: the wheel doesn't track the rim. So I go to another store and buy another cheap can-opener. |
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Within a week that one's not tracking the rim either. Back to the store and third time's the charm right ? |
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Wrong: this one doesn't work right off the bat. Resisting the urge to go find a cop and end up getting shot for "wielding a dangerous weapon", I put it back in the drawer. |
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It's still got the punch-opener on it which should come in handy. So eventually I have a large juice can to open and apply the punch-opener. |
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The handle, which the punch-opener is on, bends completely in half when applied, leaving the can with a tiny little dent in it. "WTF" doesn't cover it. |
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So now I own a near-industrial grade Swing-Away, bolted to the wall, which cost me $20 ... 25 if you include the scrap pot metal previously purchased. |
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[+] just because you care ;D |
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I also ended up buying a commercial Swing-Away,
[FT]. The usual ones are just useless. Your
annotation rant struck a chord. |
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I learned this lesson sime time ago. |
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There's got to be a published theorem somewhere on the futility of buying cheap tools, and the fact that with any given activity, you will *eventially* buy the good, somewhat expensive version, but may well spend many times that cost on cheaper versions before internally justifying the expense of buying the expensive one. False economy, but it seems to be human nature to have to learn the lesson over and over again. |
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Can openers, knives, camping equipment, Automotive accessories, electrical goods, clothing, sunglasses, tools (especially machine tools), sporting equipment etc etc ad nauseum. |
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Apparently the consensus is that swing-away is a good brand (or design, or model or whatever they are). So, let's all buy good can openers. |
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That's why I invented one here that opens all cans,
whether they like it or not. |
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I'll take an exception for sunglasses. I never buy expensive sunglasses, as the time period between purchasing and misplacing them is constrained by a law of nature to be under 8 months. |
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Have you tried building a landing strip and radio out of straw and performing some marching drills to attract more food? |
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Likewise, cheap nail clippers just annoy. So last
year I bought some nail clippers in Tokyo.
They're made from high-grade stainless steel,
are amazingly sharp and collect the clipped bits
of nail as you use them. They were expensive
and the normal kind sort of work OK, but these
are just a joy to use. |
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The really depressing thing is that the difference in
the manufacturing costs of a nearly useless piece of
crap, and a simple but well-made can opener that
would open thousands of cans without skipping a
beat, is prolly like fifty cents. But someone,
somewhere, has done the maths and decided that
the piece of crap is profitable. |
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[+] for the idea and the following annos! esp. [RayfordSteele]'s because I usually drop my sunglasses in a lake, crush them with something or just lose them! But real tools are always worth the extra money! (I'm a tool girl!)<b>
I have my own tools which I mark with a dot of pink nailpolish, so guys won't take them on me and put them in THEIR toolboxes!! |
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You left your clause open, [Ubie]. |
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I didn't realize we were airdropping food to you guys;
I always assumed you just ate the sheep after you'd
finished with it. |
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You'd need to talk to the people dropping the cans
about that, [21Q]. We've no idea who to call. |
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I have a drawer full of P-38 can openers. Use them once and throw them away. |
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Victorinox Swiss Army Knife ? Currently, 17 years service, no other can opener used, still 100% functional, no degradation. |
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// We've no idea who to call // |
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// collect the clipped bits of nail as you use them // |
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Hmmmm.... there's a thought. |
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The company isn't in the business of opening your
cans, it's in the business of making as much of your
money as possible. A company that makes a high
quality product that people only need one of often
goes out of business for lack of repeat customers.
Sad but true. |
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Even though that seems to make sense, it might be a fallacy in some respects: how many companies has that actually happened to ? |
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I wonder if that could be the dark side of recycling ? |
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I have an interest in a shoe business. Our customer
is expected to throw away the shoes they buy within
six months of purchase and buy new ones. |
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...Which is a pretty succinct summary of what's wrong with the modern consumerist market. |
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I'm a terrible customer. The shoes I'm wearing have
been rebuilt a few times and are 17 years old. |
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Sounds like maybe you do have an Immortal
Sole after all. Quelle Surprise … |
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The uppers persist, but soles they come and they wear down and soon no sole, time for a new sole. |
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Be ye a soothsayer, or merely a mender of lost soles? |
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"Beware the Eyelets of March …" |
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The can opener on my Leatherman has never failed me... |
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Gerber makes a better leatherman than Leatherman. They
also made (or utilized) famously unopenable cans for a
time. |
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I'd probably post some brag here about how not everyone
has my skill with an angle grinder, but the truth is that I
wouldn't attempt something so foolish, and at any rate we
have one of those 'rimless' openers that seems virtually
indestructible, despite being constructed largely of plastic.
The product itself bears no brand name, but I'll describe it:
it has a contoured red-and-black handle that has a vaguely
suggestive shape, it grips the can by means of swinging
open sideways and closing upon the rim with two little
wheels, and it forces the lid open (rather than cutting it)
when you work the two-part handle like a bellows, which
makes a racheting sound that distresses the dog for no
explicable reason. It also features a tiny parrot beak-like
device for plucking the lid from the top of the can (which
may, if required, be snugly fitted back into place after
removal of some of the contents). |
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It is truly a remarkable device, and thus in accordance with
the inviolate laws of the Universe, we've never been able
to find another like it. |
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I think it's a great idea, however it has two problems:
1) I don't think my peas would be recognisable after they
come out
2) SInce all can openers break, the creation of one that
doesn't is provably impossible. |
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// Since all can openers break, the creation
of one that doesn't is provably impossible // |
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That should be phrased, "Since in my
experience aall can openers break …" |
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You need to round up some Mathematicians
and go hunt deer in the woods … |
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NB The Schrödinger methodology is the most
effective, but it's slow… |
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I don't think I've ever managed to break a can
opener. Is it possible that the things you're trying to
open are not, in fact, cans, [Ubie]? |
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Shhhh … the experimental anthropologists
will
be furious if the Cargo Cult is disrupted …
they are desperately keen to get this study
done and use it as the basis for their grant
funding proposal to study the curious
dominance of Meerkats in the British
Insurancve Industry … |
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Cans are actually self-opening. If you place them directly on the heat without opening them beforehand you will find that after a few minutes they spontaneously reveal their contents. |
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Yup, that's true, that is. |
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Spontaneously, that's one word for it... |
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//Cans are actually self-opening.// |
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If you remove the paper label from the can, and
stand the bottom 30% of it in liquid nitrogen for
about ten minutes, then play a hairdryer on the lid,
you wind up with a can which is cold at the bottom
and warm at the top. |
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Which describes a lot of my halfbakery ideas. |
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1315-00-192-9557-C508
155MM HEAT-T M456, |
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[Max]. So far we haven't managed to open any. I'll
post you one, so you can have a go. |
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These cans, now … do they sort of taper
towards one end, and have a couple of yellow
rings painted round them … ? |
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//There's got to be a published theorem somewhere on the futility of buying cheap tools// Terry Prachett's Commander Vimes talks about how rich people are rich because they buy expensive stuff but it lasts forever, like boots. |
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...I think it went something like "so rich they can live cheaply". |
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This is a truism, but needs a lot of starting capital... |
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Yes, the Vimes "Boots" theory of economic
inequality. |
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A pair of cheap boots that will last one year
costs $x
A pair of really good boots costs $5x, but
requires that the purchaser has the capital
required. |
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After 10 years, the wealthy purchaser has
spent $5x on boots, which may be well worn
but can be repaired.
The impecunious purchaser has spent $10x
on boots, and still has wet feet. |
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The same is true of transport; often, users of
public transport and taxis end up paying a
higher equivalent rate for their travel than
car owners. |
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Just buy everything at your local restaurant supply.
My can opener has extra-long handles, gears, a long
crank, and a blade that can be taken out and
sharpened. It is a bad mother opener when it comes
to cans big and small. |
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