h a l f b a k e r yCall Ambulance,
Rebuild Kitchen.
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Buzzkeeper
Insert alcohol and maintain your buzz with it | |
This... erm, insert-able device would contain an external sensor to detect blood alcohol percentage, a reservoir of alcohol, and a very small pump. The user would insert it when he were precisely as inebriated as desired. The device would measure alcohol percentage at that point. Any alcohol drunk but
not yet absorbed would raise the user's alcohol level, so the device wouldn't start work until that and any subsequently drunk alcohol were metabolized. If blood alcohol were to fall below what it was at insertion time the pump would push out a quantity, wait a bit, and take another measure.
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Annotation:
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Ah, Sturton will be your first customer. |
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Sturton does NOT need any more insertable devices. |
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<Stares ruefully at Sturton's already-wrapped birthday present/> |
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<Peels of label, wonders if refunds available since item is still sealed in box & unused/> |
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A clever device worn IN the body, replacing the current external 200-proof IV drip, to help career drunks stay sozzled, avoid delerium tremens, and stave off wet brain as long as possible. |
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Bonus: permanent drunks, of either sex, rarely eat, so the 'insertable' device would be rarely disturbed/ejected/misaligned. Biologically-intact female drunks of course have an extra option for insertion. |
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"Sturton, meet Sgt. Teacup. Sgt. Teacup, this is Sturton. Here's twenty bucks, now bugger off and get yourselves a room where you can indulge your despicable mutual perversions in private. Here's a couple of litres of industrial alcohol, too. We know it's better stuff than you usually drink, but you'll probably get used to.it. Now get out, and don't come back." |
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Infectious as this idea may be , it would be easier and cleaner to serve a an aerosol of top-up prescription to the capillaries of the nose. Ah, the foamy bouquet of a Tuatara stout. |
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Hmmm, whole-body alcohol "patch" ? |
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