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Bush Baller

 No, not Barbara....eeeeeewwwwww!!
  (+3, -1)
(+3, -1) 		  [vote for,
against]

This is a bell-shaped attachment / power head, containing multiple sets of mechanical shears, which can be manipulated by a small boom crane or could dangle from a cherry-picker. Carefully lowered over an unruly privet or azalea bush, the Bush Baller would transform the messy plant in seconds, to a perfect hemisphere.

Do a whole front garden in minutes.

—ConsulFlaminicus, Aug 03 2004

[link]






       Can we use it on George Dubbbya
—etherman, Aug 03 2004
   

       Is the diameter adjustable? (How?)
—phundug, Aug 03 2004
   

       Hoberman topiary.   

       [phundug] The well organised gardening firm would have several sizes on hand, as well as box, pyramid, and cylinder variants (presumably knocked up by the notorious patent infringers at BungCo).   

       Diameter adjustable models would be a logical progression, hitting the market just as the Japanese multi-function, laptop-linked, design-your-own-garden, portable laser prune and shaping system became available.
—ConsulFlaminicus, Aug 04 2004
   

       No it wouldn't. It would transform the plant to a mass of leafless twigs in seconds. Topiary isn't instant, it can take years to train a shrub into even the simplest shape.
—squeak, Aug 04 2004
   

       //Can we use it on George Dubbbya// // No real need to, as he never reported for duty. // Keep the stupid political hack comments to yourselves. There are political forums for children to make their ignorant remarks. The trimmer is a good idea. It could work.
—bobad, Aug 04 2004
   

       I'd hate to see what word describes the left wing.   

       I like the idea, but as [squeak] mentions, it would still take a long time. You would have to use it repetitively, until the shrubbery is forced to grow within the hemisphere. As soon as that is accomplished, the plants can be quickly trimmed to the exact same size every time.[+]
—destructionism, Aug 04 2004
   

       A poodle baller! It's my opinion that a poodle-balled shrub is equally attractive whether coaxed into that idiotic spherical shape over several years or several seconds using the proposed device.
—bristolz, Aug 04 2004
   
      
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