h a l f b a k e r yNot the Happy Cuddle Club.
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A mob brandishing pitchforks, and burning torches as they
advance down a street is a familiar scene in many films,
particularly of the Hammer Horror type. I even proposed
the assembly of such a mob myself to hunt down the
halfbakery humbugs.
Being the halfbakery mob, I propose they are appropriately
equipped with startling new halfbaked pitchforks. And how
can they be new I hear you ask in disbelief as they look
exactly the same as the old style ones? Well, these new
pitchforks emit flames from their long pointed tines!
They can do this because their tines are fiendishly
hollowed out and perforated along their curved lengths
with many holes.
It is these holes that deliver a steady supply of paraffin (or
similar fuel) from a reservoir and mini pump contained
within the wooden supporting shaft. (my pyrotechnics
experts take care of this type of detail)
A regulator enables the flames to be delivered at little
more than a flickering glow, but at any point they can
become tongues of fire that illuminate the night as they
are waved skywards and the baying mob cheerfully
advances.
When not in humbug hunting mode, Flaming Pitchforks
double up as long-reach picnic toasting skewers.
Also helpful for forking hay at night!
https://www.flametr...-9781786644916.html
[whatrock, Dec 20 2021]
[link]
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As a representative of the Flaming Torches Users Union, I wish to register an official complaint. We have long collaborated with the Pitchfork Wielders, in a stable and established relationship whereby we provide the flames and they provide the pointy spikes. This new development upsets this centuries old compromise and I fear there is now no going back. I insist on behalf of all users of flaming torches, that the same disgusting and unnatural innovation of science is applied to our torches. Perhaps have long spikes like javelins constantly being shot out of the torches? Or maybe something even more dastardly. We have to get one up on those flaming pitchfork upstarts and show them their place. |
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WIFRT, I imagined we'd apply pitch to the forks, and set fire to
the pitch. |
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Ha. Your names are going on the humbug list!
“Yure either agin us or aginst us” |
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Mmmmm, stripey peppermints! |
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Those are tridents and not pitchforks. Your name is
now added to list when the pedants take to the
streets and the hunt begins. |
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Standards must be maintained. You should know
that. Things have gotten far too casual around
here. Taking back your crumb now will be a sign of
petulance, and besides, the grass is long and I
know how to wait in it. |
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No longer am I held back by the tyranny of weight caused by both torch and pitchfork! |
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//when the pedants take to the streets// you don't say what they take. |
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I used not to like the streets, but recently I've taken to them. |
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It's easy to see why the Halfbakery is in decline.
It's become negative and quite cheerless with little
appreciation of humour. Fortunately I have a large
following on Instagram for my other work so the
bakery postings can rest up for a while. |
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Y...you're cheating on us? |
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I'm logging out. It's tiresome here now and not
worth the effort. I'll check in again in a few
months time. |
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All I know is that I'm going to start selling packets of
marshmallows where the number of marshmallows is divisible
by 3. |
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To be fair, it always had a merciless streak. |
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[AusCan] I jumped to the ‘annotate’ button to make a
marshmallow-related comment but you beat me to
it |
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+ So maybe a double purpose then. The pitchfork
ignites and the Trident shoots water. |
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I feel ya, xen, but promise me you will simply walk away and
see if your perspective doesn't change. It took someone simply
referring a book to me, to let me see a much-needed shift. |
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I care deeply for you, and your posts are always my favorite.
They are packed with imagination and creativity. The whole
purpose I come here. I am blissmisses on insta. Don't leave.
Please. |
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I recommend napalm as fuel. Dial the flow rate up to
11 and Satan would be envious. |
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// I'm going to start selling packets of marshmallows where
the number of marshmallows is divisible by 3// |
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You sell them in numbers divisible by anything but three,
that way they either have to buy an extra pack to get the
number of fork loads they want & end up with left over
marshmallows, which then encourages them to buy another
pack sooner than they might have so they can finish off
the left over marshmallows in the cupboard. |
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Ever wondered why burgers are sold in packs of four while
buns are sold in packs of six? well now you know. |
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Bugger, we can't afford to lose any more. |
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[Note to self: try & be less argumentative] |
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<looks suspiciously at what is being waved, trying to see if it has perforations> |
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