Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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This is what happens when one confuses "random" with "profound."

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Bump-in-the-night Program

 Identify night noises
  (+5)
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Midnight. What the heck was that noise? Sort of "Roo-umph!" Power up PC, launch "BUMP-IN-THE-NIGHT. Screen has categories "Ticking", "Metallic Whirrs", "Thumps", "Whooshes", "Indescribeably weird", etc.

You select "Low rumbling", listen to Humpback Whale Songs, etc. Decide on "Stomach Rumbles", go to bathroom, go back to bed, blissfully asleep in 20 seconds.

Program also provides Sonagrams for most, and musical notation for some.

See also: "Noise Triangulator" submitted by Timvasquez.

—melanerpes, Apr 17 2001

Bump http://www.fireflyc.../humorous.html#bump
By the last surviving Goon, Spike Milligan. [Aristotle, Apr 17 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]

[link]






       I would prefer this to be built into the alarm clock or whatever appliance is by your bedside to be used while you are semi-concious. This way you could grab it and use it to work out what is going on.
—Aristotle, Apr 17 2001
   

       Love Fireflycafe, Aristotle. Thanks.
—melanerpes, Apr 17 2001
   

       Mostly, it's the noise of all your household appliances cooling down that causes the noise (and the neighbours of course). You're just adding another one to the list.
—DrBob, Apr 17 2001
   

       Would the categoies include "Masked-Prowler-Entering-Ground-Floor-Living-Room-Window"? How about "Stalker-Ex-Boyfriend-Slipping-Unpleasant-Surprise-Into-Mailbox"?
—1percent, Apr 17 2001
   

       Sure would. COMPLETE SILENCE = Masked-prowler-entering ground-floor-living-room-window. DOG BARKING = Stalker-ex-boyfriend-slipping-unpleasant-surprise-into-mailbox.
—melanerpes, Apr 18 2001
   

       Maybe this would need a radar/sonar component that recognises the maladies mentioned by [melanerpes].
—Aristotle, Apr 18 2001
   

       oh, I see now. I'm sorry, I thought this was some sort of social program. I was all ready to sign up, but then I read the idea... *ahem*.
—absterge, Apr 18 2001
   

       I'm torn.   

       I dig this idea, but it would kinda defeat the purpose of my dream house (Film Noir Home) so I'll have to think mull this over for a bit...
—iuvare, Apr 18 2001
   
      
[annotate]
   


 

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