Bum Lid

A poor, dishevelled young artist stands before the masterpiece he's been working on for the past 12 months. It is almost finished, which is good news, because he's not eaten anything but discarded crusts for two weeks, and the money he hopes to raise from selling this piece will be spent on a handsome chicken feast for he and his cat, not to mention paying the arrears on his rent, reconnecting the utilities and repaying the cash lent to him the other week by some rather unsavoury characters from down the back of town.

Still, it's nearly done, the hard times are nearly over, all he has to do is fill in a bit of the fields just over the left shoulder of the rather podgy nude in the foreground (he had spent a whole month getting the tone just right on her busty substances) - verdure for the shadows, viridian for the mid-tones and little splashes of spearmint, shamrock and trusty old cadmium green to highlight the sunlit glen so resplendent with the joys of spring.

He prepares his palette, hands, shaking slightly at the anticipation of the moment when all will become a perfect and complete whole. He squeezes out a little of the paint from each tube, one colour at a time; Verdure, viridian, spearmint, shamrock and...but what's this?

His faithful old tube of cadmium green is missing its lid and has gone all dry and hard. He can't squeeze the appropriate amount out onto his palette! How will he ever finish his masterpiece now?

The artist flings the palette at the wall, and lashing out in a fit of rage, he knocks the picture to the floor sending tubes of paint flying one way, while brushes cartwheel off in another.

Much later, after the rage leaves him, he shuffles past the ripped canvas over to the garret window, a broken man. He opens it wide, the cool October air swirling around him, and leans out as he contemplates the 3 stories down to the cobbled street below...

If only he'd known about Bum Lids, it would all have been so different. Bum Lids are an elasticated membrane that can be fitted onto almost any existing opening, providing an airtight seal when not in use but allowing for procession of (a normally viscous) fluid on application of pressure.

Latex or rubber is formed into an elasticated sphincter that can be fitted onto the ends of tubes of grease, paint or toothpaste, either adding to, or in some cases completely replacing the traditional screw-top cap.

Bum Lids can be attached at the factory, or fitted by the enthusiast in the comfort of their own home/garret.