h a l f b a k e r yAsk your doctor if the Halfbakery is right for you.
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Picture yourself walking around a big city. You're just visiting, maybe on business, maybe just site-seeing. You're trudging around the place and you come over all hungry. It's that special, city-trudge super hunger. All you want is some big wodge of solidness to shove in your gob and fill your stomach,
and you want to shove it in quick, so you can get moving again.
Well, you're screwed, aren't you? Because, in today's 'sophisticated consumer' driven world, the only option open to you is to spend a hundred thousand billion quid on some fiddly piece of gothic architecture that explodes all over your face the minute you touch it. Even the cheaper options (ie burgers and that) are difficult to eat with dignity and over-priced for what they are.
What we really need is a place - on every street
corner, preferably - where you can buy Really Simple, Cheap
Carbohydrates. ie BREAD and BUTTER, in thick slabs.
Reader: "Wait a minute - cheap carbohydrates? That's chip shops, isn't it?"
Well, they nearly cover it, but bread and butter would be even better because it would be cheaper (cheaper than chips!), quicker to eat and less greasy and smelly. You just go in, grab a doorstep, fold it in half and bugger off, eating as you go. And no container required, therefore no litter! Any crusts that get discarded by careless types will be quickly consumed by pigeons, rats and small children.
The choice should be minimal to keep things simple - I think this would be a selling point (no more standing there for 15 bloody minutes trying to make a decision). Your choice would be limited to white or brown bread. If you must have a topping it could be marmite or jam (strawberry only). Simple as you like. I think it would become extremely fashionable too, as part of a backlash against overpriced, Sunday supplement sponsored peasant food.
(??) Edgar Cayce psychic reading, October 13, 1932
http://www.are-cayc...dings/0326/003.html
24. (Q) Is rye bread good for the body? (A) Toasted is well, or very fresh. [thumbwax, Mar 29 2002, last modified Oct 04 2004]
Nice Cup of Tea and a Sit Down
http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com
More relevant to the tea debate than the bread and butter. A good laugh though. Read the mission statement. [MrKangaroo, Oct 04 2004]
[link]
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baked - don't they sell prepackaged sandwiches where you are? |
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1. I love bread and butter, and |
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2. You used the phrase "wodge of solidness." |
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Re: pre-packaged sandwiches
Yes, but they rarely cost you less than a pound sterling (1 dollar 50?) The idea here is to be the cheapest source of food available. The overheads would be minimal. |
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Re: yuppification
Yes, that will happen, but again, there will always be a market for the cheapest, simplest food imaginable |
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Okay. I like butter bread, but a stand on every corner? Don't we eat poorly enough as it is? |
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Don't knock eating gothic architecture. The spires make excellent toothpicks afterwards. |
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Phoenix: all right, one on every *other* street corner. That will make room for the tea vendors. I didn't mention the tea vendors? That'd be a tap on the end of a pipe coming out of the pavement (below the pavement, huge tea urns, milk and sugar already added, strong and sweet) and someone with a bucket to collect your money. The buyer must provide their own mug (no litter, see?) I imagine it will eventually become the fashion to wear tiny hats which, upturned, make ideal tea vessels. |
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Rods Tiger: ah yes, fruit is very nice and good for you, too, but again, very messy. The only exception being bananas, but what happens to the skin? All too often it ends up on the floor, and you don't want to be slipping on a banana skin with a hat full of tea in your hand, do you? |
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I'm for cheap and speedy … think nobody noticed any less free food handouts? Think again, mr Chik-Fi-let™ advertising program developer. |
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Great idea. I'd really like to be able to get basic food without it all being ponced around with. |
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The tea vendors would be ideal too - I'd have an enamelled tin mug for that (chipped of course, otherwise it wouldn't have any character). |
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The sandwich shops really need to sort out their packaging. Our local one wraps the sandwich in an elaborately folded paper package, then puts it in a small brown paper bag. So, you can't just eat the sandwidch, you have to find somewhere to sit while you figure out how to open the paper parcel without everything landing on the floor. |
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Unabubba:
"I can't believe you didn't add a little urine as well." |
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Hmm, I think that would be a bit silly. |
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"That's not tea, that's some sort of Pommy abomination. Tea is drunk on its own, no milk, no sugar, no lemon, just the exquisite tang of it to savour. A good Oolong or Jasmine tea is impossible to beat.." |
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Pah! If you want to "savour" things I suggest you choose a more suitable venue, ie somewhere you can sit down and relax. A busy street is no place to savour things; imagine the chaos if everyone started drifting about in a tea-induced dream, savouring everything. No, you want something cheerful and robust, something sympathetic to the nourishing cargo of carbohydrate and fat you've just swallowed, and that, my friend, is hot, sweet tea of the Pommy abomination variety. Can you imagine a delicate fop of a flavour like Jasmine surviving more than half an hour in an underground vat? I doubt it would have the energy to rise up the pipe! |
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However, for those who insist on it, there'll be the odd pipe or two connected to a cauldron of boiled water and grass clippings. |
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you're living dangerously, saveloy.
I' m not keen on those posy flavoured teas either - PG tips every time! |
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Yeah, and I bet if you walk into the only bar/cafe in an outback town, whose sole custom is the sheep station workers, and you go in and ask for a cuppa, they say "Oh, would sir like oolong or Jasmine?"... |
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"...and which end of the sheep dip, would sir like it from?" |
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Although I agree with you, [UnaB], on the gross demerits of tea in the English manner, I must point out that, as evidenced by a traditional song from the wandering stockman days of Aussie history, there is a culture of making tea with milk and sugar, all in the same pot. I forget the name of the song but it's something like "Five, five, three, and a half" and refers to the rations provided to the swagmen; five pounds of flour, five of sugar, three of tea, and a half of salt. Ex-pat pommie, and adopted digger Martyn Wyndham-Read does a fine version of the song. |
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I'm voting for this purely because I eat about 3/4's of a loaf a day. However, most chip shops in the UK sell bread and butter anyway, hmmmmm, chip butties, true heaven! |
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LardyBloke... I hope you toast the bread at least a little bit. |
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Angel, you need sugar to make bread, too.. |
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Thumbwax - It depends on whether I can wait that long. Most of the loaf is just bread and butter (although technically it is "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" as I have a dairy intolerance). |
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[Star]: Yes, I know. The tea reference is in the lyrics of the song; it mentions the tea brewing in the billy, with the milk and sugar already in there. |
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What ravenswood said. I'm all for slowing down as often as possible, in fact I'm the most indolent, feckless swine you could imagine. However, sometimes speed is neccessary for practical reasons. Sometimes you get to rush about doing *enjoyable* things (running from one record shop to another on a busy Saturday morning, for instance). |
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It's not *all* about speed, though. Just as important is the pleasure in simple, basic foods that perform simple functions - filling you up, quenching your thirst and giving you a caffeine/sugar kick. |
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I do like Steve deGroof's idea a lot, mind. How about an underground bakery network, wafting lovely smells up through grills in the pavement (or those curvy funnel things they have on ocean liners?) |
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Croissant (or rather, a chunk of bread) to you! There's dozens of places where you can get either sugary croissants and cookies, or sandwiches drenched in yucky mayo, pickles or cheese, but nowhere to get a simple piece of good bread. I'd buy this even if I am not in a hurry because bread is good. |
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Don't the French aready have streetcorner "Vendeurs de baguette et de beurre"? |
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Sounds great, a great doorstep with a fresh slightly flakey crust slathered with well salted butter and the faintest possible smear of marmite, served with PG tips tea brewed to a teeth staining orange and three sugars. I was raised on that stuff but its hard to find that kind of bread now, the sort that stays squashed and gluey when squeezed to a size possible to stuff into your mouth. |
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Mmmmm, do you know what is delicious? A piece of toast dipped in milk for breakfast. You don't even need to butter it--just take it straight from the toaster and dip it into the milk. It's fast, too--I even have time for this when the speed of peristalsis is a factor in my morning schedual. Tea is almost as nice for dipping bread into, although I'd bet that not many of you have tried it. Toast should definitely not be restricted to morning consumption, though. I would love the chance for some in the afternoon, especially with a nice warm mug of tea... ::puts water on the stove and turns on toaster:: |
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(Curses! Read the idea as Bread and Butter Vernons. Anticipated a Vernon on every street corner. Now most disappointed.) |
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< shudder -_-_/ \ / > the horror! |
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They already have bread shops here, although they're not stands. I've been to a few. |
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The idea is for Bread *&* Butter *Vendors*, i.e vendors of sandwiches without a filling. |
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Croissant, just for the "Well, you're screwed, aren't you?" paragraph! Brillintly written!!! Plus a bloody ggod idea! I could do with some carb now at 5 in the morn!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Brilliant. Bread on every corner. Well done. So long as you keep it "fresh". |
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Spotted in newsagent sandwich section, this morning: packets containing 2 slices of buttered malt loaf. Not simply knocked together by the newsagent but factory packed by the malt-loaf making company. It's a start, dammit! |
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There is no room for such a shop unless a simple mature cheddar was also made available. Cheese please |
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I had forgotten about this idea. I like. Here's a retroactive WTAGIPBAN. |
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This is baked in NYC as bagel carts and I think thats better than regular bread because it travels better and it is denser. Only problem is they always put too much butter. |
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Actually before the introduction of the potato to Britain, fish
vendors used to sell their wares accompanied with bread.
According to the sign in my local fish 'n' chip shop anyway. |
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