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By analysing when tweets arrive and when they do not, it should be possible to infer when the Tweeter is unable to tweet as a result of using his or her hands for something else.
Given enough time, it should be possible to make statistical predictions using data mining techniques about the regularity
or otherwise of the Tweeter's bowel movements.
Celebrities are an obvious target because they tweet a lot and therefore provide more data. This will give more chance of a statistically significant finding. Obviously it won't be 100% accurate but it should be possible to say things like:
"CelebZ has a 70% probability of having a poo between 8am and 9am"
More interesting will be the outliers.
"CelebA seems to have no regularity at all although sometimes there are multiple consecutive poos in the afternoon"
Is nothing sacred?
Joseph Bazalgette (1819 - 1891)
http://www.bbc.co.u...lgette_joseph.shtml
[Dub, Jul 18 2009]
Peter Bazalgette (Endemol, Producers of Big Brother)
http://en.wikipedia...ki/Peter_Bazalgette
Coincidence? "Big Jobbies?" [Dub, Jul 18 2009]
twitter shitter
http://www.urbandic...m=twitter%20shitter
[tatterdemalion, Jul 18 2009]
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I'm not sure this would actually provide the information you're looking for. |
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Celebs especially, are known to need time to do repetitive actions where they cannot be tweeting for several hours at a time. You know, things like act, do interviews, pose, etc. |
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Also, celebs are likely to have fancy handheld electronics which would allow them to tweet whenever they have a little down time to themselves. I'd imagine that the time between sitting down in a toilet stall, and getting up to wipe might be one of many potentially good "tweet" times. |
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Additionally, celebs are likely to have "people" to do a lot of their non-biological functions for them: press agents to do tweets, body doubles to do photo shoots, etc. |
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Some stars may also need to keep slightly irregular hours, doing AM scenes while the dawn light is still around, thus offsetting their breakfast times, doing dark scenes all night long, and therefore sleeping all day, etc. |
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Lastly, stars try to maintain a certain "IMAGE," one which usually avoids detailling some of their bodily functions. Some stars might attempt to skew the results in order to prevent just the sort of study you're trying to get at. |
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All of these factors would make data mining the twitter data alone a very poor method. Even factoring in info from other sources would likely provide spotty results. |
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You can get tablets for that ...... |
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It could be that the "good" times will lead to more tweets. This could be picked up by a data mining algorithm but we would need some training data to be sure. |
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We need a celebrity poo spotter. |
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You're right that celebs would have "people" - I'm waiting for the job title "poo obfuscator". |
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It's such a lovely idea and uses so many wonderful words that I'm sad to say I have to agree it wouldn't work. I suppose the poo of the stars will have to remain their secret... |
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//We need a celebrity poo spotter// |
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Actually, my mate had a poo in the cubicle next to Kevin Pieterson in
Chenai a few months ago. Apparently he sounded "unwell". |
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//I've Baked from the John before//
Overshare. |
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I want to see it. I want to see the tweet that says I'm taking a dump. I'm linking to it right now... brb |
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Holy crap man, there's so many! And girls, too! Lot's of girls twittering about poop! I love it!... I uhh.. oohhh no! No, I don't!! |
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//Additionally, celebs are likely to have "people" to do a lot
of their non-biological functions for them// - just the
non-biological functions? |
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//Lot's of girls twittering about poop!// |
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Are any of them celebrities though? I have a new theory (not yet propped up with any data) that celebrities don't mention this sort of thing. |
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Who said data mining doesn't require hands on messiness? |
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//Actually, my mate had a poo in the cubicle next to Kevin Pieterson in Chenai a few months ago. Apparently he sounded "unwell"// |
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This is interesting information for the data miner. If we can correlate a lack of tweets during the unwell episode as well as perform some sort of textual analysis we can infer when there's next going to be a problem so we can alert the authorities. |
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//I have a new theory (not yet propped up with any
data) that celebrities don't mention this sort of
thing.// In fact, celebrities don't poop. There's an
operation -- not for hoi polloi, but if you've got the
money, and know the right people, it can be
arranged. |
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Which is all very well, but the left over bits have to go somewhere, and that's where the first Peter Mandelson came from. |
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