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Blood Printer
For those who want to send death threats professionally... | |
Few people realise the problems that homicidal maniacs have when writing a death threat in their own blood. It hurts, is messy and often stains the desk beneath the paper.
I propose a printer with a finger-sized slot in the side. After the death threat is sent to the printer via a scanner, you press
the "blood" button on the side of the printer (which also configures the printer for the viscosity and stickiness of human blood) and insert a finger into the slot. The correct amount of blood is then taken from the inserted digit using a syringe at the end of the slot and used to print the document.
You can then sit back and watch as a neat, legible death-threat is printed in a safe and (relatively) painless method, ready to be sent to the recipient of your choice.
Blood Printer ~bz
[bristolz,
Nov 08 2005]
just feed this into your printer...
bleedin_92_20paper
[po, Nov 08 2005]
A healthy alternative
Blood_20Pen
[daseva, Nov 09 2005]
Ink cartridge refill kit
http://www.healinge...uctImages/13059.jpg
[Shz, Nov 09 2005]
[link]
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//It hurts, is messy and often stains the desk beneath the
paper// - you mean you tried it ? |
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This might be useful as an emergency option when you are low on ink. |
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Another use I've just thought of is for those suicidal business men who want a professional and sincere suicide note - you write out the note and then print it multiple times, in blood, until you bleed to death. |
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Very nice idea [+]. Slight problems being that blood has a tendency to spread, so you would need some pretty heavy letter spacing. |
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Also the alternative use wouldn't work. However suicidal you are, you won't be able to keep a part of your body in place by your own volition, while you slowly bleed to death unless your body part is held there. In which case, the company that sells these would be likely be facing some kind of criminal case. And a bill for lots of wasted paper. |
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I thought homicidal maniacs used their victims blood to leave messages, not their own? Or are there homicidal masochists in the world? |
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They use their own blood to send notes to the victim, and then the victims blood to send notes to the ever-chasing-1-step-behind police team. |
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(You've never watched CSI?) |
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<groan alert/ I presume the .pdf version could be viewed on a plasma screen? /ga> |
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Be an interesting twist for a resume. Or maybe clipped newspaper letters... |
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Lovely illustration, thanks [bristolz] |
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"Damn inkjet's clogged again!" - The 'blood' cartridge for your injet printer would have to contain some anticoagulants, but otherwise an excellent idea. |
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Funny, sick, bun!
"How many copies do you need?"
"One! Just one!" |
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Hey come on guys, I want my idea to achieve the eternal greatness of 2.5 buns - just one more is needed. |
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Damn ! Another paper jam ! I'm getting dizzy... |
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They really get their pound of flesh when you buy ink these days. |
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Money saving tip number 337: to cut down on the cost of ink... |
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//'blood' cartridge ...contain some anticoagulants//
Couldn't mosquitoes be employed to this end? |
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You'd also be able to use blood-printed envelopes to flush out any vampire members of the postal service by watching for open drooling, or envelope licking behaviours. |
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