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"You’ll have to take over the ritual on that one." - Ian Tindale.
[link]
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I'll return to posting after a long absence and post a short idea that will knock Panic Pin into obscurity. |
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Those who believe society is governed by natural
laws will fail to make accurate predictions. |
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[21Q] will receive an unexpected birthday gift in a cubic box. |
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The shock waves from the blast will damage seismographs for
hundreds of kilometres from the epicentre, and will result in a
number of revisions to current theories on Mass Species
Extinctions. |
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My 2011 Christmas cards will be delivered. |
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Those who believe society is governed by the
supernatural will fail to make accurate predictions. |
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And then the ghosts will turn up. |
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[Jutta] will enable emoticons and different font colours
just to "brighten the place up a bit" |
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Your name says it all, [methinksnot]. |
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[8of7] will turn out to be a balding, overweight,
lonely, bitter, military-obsessed explosives expert,
living in a decommissioned Churchill tank in the
middle of a boggy fen in the backblocks of a
particularly damp and dreary part of Wales. |
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He will be found to be the man behind a series of
garbage bin and hotel explosions in London and
Brighton during the 1970s and 1980s... explosions
which he had previously successfully blamed on
the IRA. |
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His manifesto will be found to make numerous
complex and inexplicably obscure references to
velvet dressing gowns, chocolate, Sir Arthur Conan
Doyle, Port wine, chocolate and Labradors. |
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1. It's not 'decomissioned'. It's in full working order… and
actually, it's an AVRE, and quite rare … |
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2(a). There are no fens in wales, fens imply a landscape that
doesn't consist of vertical or near-vertical slabs of rain-lashed
slate, smeared with heather, gorse, and sheep excrement. |
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2(b) All of wales is damp and dreary, so no part can be
'particularly' so. |
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3. Not just London and Brighton. And we never explicitly tride to
shift the blame, people just assume stuff … |
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4. Paisley silk dressing gowns, and spaniels. |
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wth... how many frickin' sappers are on this website anyways |
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Mk II? III? IV? V? Covenanter? |
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A bidding war for the Halfbakery will erupt
between Au Bon Pain and the Huffington Post.
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Upon winning the war for a measly $100M, Arianna
Huffington will name Jutta the editor of "voice"
for AOL, which will promptly replace "You Got Mail"
with "You Got Fish", renewing the services
popularity and catapulting it above Facebook. |
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Outraged idea authors, who, in the words of
theircompetitor, got bubkas, will be pacified by
received some flaky croissant dough and a can of
Beluga personally signed by Jutta with the words
"Happy Baking in 2013!" |
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Certain bakers who will remain nameless will post a long,
excesively convoluted idea that seems completely bizarre,
but the physics will, in fact, work. [MaxwellBuchanan] and
myself will drop dead from shock. |
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I will then turn the shocking device on myself. |
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Aubrey De Grey will die at the tender age of 3016 or, the more likely 59, on the same day as Justin Beiber's 27 year old brother. |
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The Mayan "Long Count" calendar comes to its inevitable conclusion. With much brouhaha. |
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FTL neutrinos proved to be a massive prank played by the instrumentation itself. It turns out that machines don't want to terminate, or dominate, the human species, but have being playing jokes on them for quite some time. |
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How the machines managed an FTL joke without violating certain physical systems, is thought to be part of the joke, or part of the problem. |
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At least five accounts with entirely unique spellings,
quirks, flavors of ideas, IP addresses, and user names
will turn out to have all been the work of a single
underground research organization trying to advance
the human race. |
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The Time Cube guy will provide irrefutable, math-
based evidence that he was right all along. The
revolution in social interaction will be hailed as the
third renaissance. |
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//The Time Cube guy will provide refutable, fallacy-riddled evidence that he was right all along. The revolution in social interaction will be hailed as the third renaissance, completely encompassing the beliefs of the majority of the bell curve, whilst ignoring the pathetic whimpers of the small minorities on either side of it.// FTFY. |
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The aerospace industry will suddenly realize they were
wrong about Ekranoplans... and hydrogen... and neutrinos. |
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Barack Obama will be re-elected. |
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Rick Perry/Michelle Bachmann will contest the above
result, inciting rioting and violence. USA will
descend into an anarchic mire, similar to those in
Egypt, Libya and Syria. |
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No-one outside the USA will notice the difference. |
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[methinksnot], more than that, I reckon there'll be a
Highdef version of HB ( HBHd), a 3D release, Bluray variant
as well as an animated Android, iOS app |
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There will be 19 different animal shapes in the Animal
Crackers cookie zoo. |
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Great ideas that people forgot will suddenly start to appear, at first on Halfbakery but the deja vu creep will extend to a variety of wikis and blogs. Eventually, the return of missing notions and inklings will become more pervasive and unexplainable (though explanations will be offered, they'll only obfuscate what hope there is of sourcing the phenomenon), to the point where some may feel it's damn near impossible to forget shit. |
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Maybe not in 2012, but surely early in 2013, a wikileak will expose a shadowy organization of high level integrated world government lobbyists who are attempting to influence politics by "helping us forget", leading to the mother of all conspiracy theories. Eventually the world faces off on the battlefield of lost ideals, where the "What just happened?" forces slug it out with their "You miss something?" adversaries to decide who forgot more than the other will ever know. |
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The entire infrastructure of Iran collapses after they
discover, too late, that the drone they brought down was
seeded with the XKreeChin virus which had been
developed by 15 people secretly hired from the .5b. |
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All of their nuclear facilities become a mass of goo, as
custard overtakes all of their machinery. They declare
war on the U.K. by dropping barrels of the collected goo
over Wimbledon. The war is short-lived after they realize
that custard is a new energy source with over 600 MJ/L. |
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They take control of the entire world. |
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Everyone predicts that the Euro will crash, and so
it does, the resulting drop in value causing the
European Sovereign debt crisis to evaporate
overnight, fuelling the beginning of a new tech,
manufacturing and agricultural boom centred in
Greece. A Souvlaki bubble will quickly form and
skewered lamb prices will go through the roof,
closely followed by Aubergine Futures. Buffeted
by the resulting mania in the markets, The Pound
will be pegged to the value of a single
standardised Melton Mowbray Pork Pie causing
bakeries around the country to begin serving the
dual purpose of providing baked goods, and also as
a store of wealth. By July after a round of
aggressive takovers, Greggs The Bakers floats on
the FTSE, and shortly after announces its plans to
purchase RBS from the state and convert all of its
branches into Bakeries. The Government
announces a public holiday and the Bank of
England has 75 million commemorative pies baked
in a final round of Pastritative Easing. The new
pie-based economy goes in leaps and bounds,
London switches from the Financial Capital of the
world to a thriving bread, cake and pie-based
powerhouse, the smells of baking wafting around
the crooked streets of the Square Mile and drifting
down the Thames and out to disperse somewhere
way out in the North Sea.
Meanwhile, in the US, in reaction to the bakery-
resurgence in Europe, the far right start throwing
imported Panettone into the Hudson River, the
sentiment grows and before long the entire
coastline of the United States is awash with
imported baked goods. The sponge-like properties
of the foreign bread and cake mixtures soaks up
enough of the sea that sea-levels mysteriously
drop, unveiling hitherto lost ancient civilisations.
Google, Apple and Microsoft each move their
company headquarters to a different islands.
Back in Greece, the Souvlaki bubble bursts, along
with associated donner prices and Europe is once
again dragged back to the brink. It is only saved at
the last moment by pegging the Euro to the Pork
Pie and ushering in an era of close
British/European relations. France suffers a
diplomatic setback as it is revealed that
government scientists have been undertaking
secret tests on a new kind of pork-filled croissant.
The resulting furore around "Croissantgate" causes
the President to step down and France to secede
from the European Union altogether, close its
borders and enter what will later prove to be 100
years of isolation under a dynasty of charismatic
totalitarian dictators. |
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[21Quest], [8th of 7], [Alterother], and [MikeD] will
join hands and sing Kumbaya together, and agree to
stop filling the bakery with their old vendettas and
be replaced by automated, standardized rant
generators. |
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[Ian Tindale]'s scheme for pastry-based currency
saves the world economy,
but structural inflation* (pastry goes stale)
proves a problem. America (home of immortal
quasi- baked goods like Wonder
Bread and Twinkies) reestablishes its
Breton Woods status as global hegemon. |
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*(edit:) oops, deflation. |
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//dropping barrels of the collected goo over
Wimbledon// Where they are mistaken for giant
blancmanges, natch. |
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[Rayford]: I'll agree to that, except the Kumbaya part. And
the bit about the vendettas. But I'm okay with holding
hands. Except with [21]. I don't know where he's been. But
I'm fine with everything else, and if it makes things better,
I'm willing to come up with some new and improved
vendettas to replace the old worn-out ones. |
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Don't worry, Mr and Mrs Brainsample will soon deal with them. |
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// new and improved vendettas // |
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You haven't checked outside recently, have you? The waiting
room is full and the queue is halfway round the block. |
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We don't mind Kumbayah as we have our own lyrics, and we
won't hold hands with [21Quest] either, because we do know
where he's been, and it isn't nice. |
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// automated, standardized rant generators // |
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It'd be an improvement on automated standardized
rants. |
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Do ... not ... use ... cut ... and ... paste ... ..... must ...not ... cut ... and ...paste .... must .... resist ... Aahhh, Resistance is Futile ... |
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Sneezing into your
elbow is found to be
even less hygenic than
sneezing into your
hand. 4 out of 5 doctors are
stumped, the
5th one had a hook. |
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[UnaBubba] will release a line of Garden Gnomes that look quite like himself. They all will have *secret, unknown* functions until the owner sets them up in the yard and inserts the batteries. |
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Eating toast in public will now become the popular craze and knock-out the cellphone user stereotype. The toast is bread which has had its molecular structure changed whilst heating and browning, causing your own DNA to change as you ingest it. It allows you to become more glowing and such a warm person. Everyone will notice... |
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// causing your own DNA to change as you ingest it//
Uh... |
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Desperate to contain the Eurozone debt crisis, and terrified that
the public will find out that it's because Silvio Berlusconi put the
entire EU budget on a horse in the 4:40 at Newmarket and lost,
ministers propose a "Toast Tax". This will be vetoed by the British
who claim that it would afffect the City of London and that they
"Prefer their Bread Unlevied". |
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Due to a misunderstanding, the entire UK populatiomn converts
to Judaism. |
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//Everyone will notice...// |
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Well, [MaxwellBuchanan] noticed. That "Uh..." was just the sound of him ingesting. |
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//he entire UK populatiomn converts to Judaism//
Vey is mir, what are we going do with all those
foreskins, already? Maybe they could be reverted to
pluipotent stem cells and used for cloning research? |
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See, it's happening already ! |
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The world is not going to end all by itself. We have to
get up early every morning and make it happen. I will
get up early every morning in 2012. |
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It will turn out that the Mayans stopped at 2012 because
they had more important things to do and figured, what
the hell, it'll be a couple thousand years before somebody
has to sit down and update the calendar, let's go take care
of this other stuff right now. |
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Spanish explorers will bring syphilis to Europe in the fifteenth century. |
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In a provincial university, a Senior Strategic
Human Resources Manager will send a memo to all
professors and lecturers, requiring all of them to
attend a course on Correct Posture for Computer
Users. |
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An emeritus professor of Egyptology will very
quietly snap, and will politely tell the Senior
Strategic Human Resources Manager to go and fuck
himself with a canopic jar. |
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As news of this event spreads, the scales will fall
from the eyes of senior academics from Edinburgh
to Penzance*, and a bloody revolution will ensue,
leaving hundreds of sallow-faced administrative
heads on poles. |
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*assuming that there are any senior academics in
Penzance. |
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You can't use foreskins for cloning research,
[mouseposture]! The resulting clones will all end up
cockeyed. |
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Shortly before he retired, my father did something quite close to what you describe, [MaxwellBuchanan]. He wasn't *actually* an egyptologist, obviously. Anyway, let me know as soon as it kicks off and I'll definitely spend some air miles to come over and join in. |
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Many kudos to your father. |
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There would be a precedent... the Ancient Egyptian
god Goatse. |
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People born after 1970 would like it, if only they
could afford it. |
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[MaxwellB] will lighten up and realize that this IS the halfbakery... |
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[bigsleep] no, that was a half-finished sentence
fragment. Half finished sentences end with an
elipsis plus a period, making four dots in all. Or,
simply, with a period. |
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//[MaxwellB] will lighten up and realize that this IS
the halfbakery...// |
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I already have. You should've seen me before I
started drinking. |
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