Biofeedback ear-wiggling aid

There are some skills in life which set people apart from the common herd. The talent to play a musical instrument well; an adeptness at sculpture or pyrotechnics; a creative wit; a suave sophisticated bearing; or the ability to wiggle one's ears.

Sadly, I am not able to wiggle my ears, at least not without using my hands or a motorized cap, which detracts from the effect.

Now, I know that I have ear-wiggling muscles - pretty much everyone has. I know also that they are enervated and connected to some dusty corner of my motor cortex.

I know also that, if I could manage that first tentative twitch, I would be able to practice ear-wiggling until I was proficient almost to the point of self-propulsion.

But, with no visible manifestation of my efforts, there is no starting point, nothing on which to build and improve.

Therefore, I would like to propose an aid for all those people who share my affliction.

Since the ear-wiggling muscles (or, to use the anatomical term, the dextral and sinistral dolor ut permissum vos crispico auribus vestris) lie just beneath a fairly thin layer of skin, it should be a matter of a few moments' work with some tin foil and superglue to rig up electrodes which can pick up the faintest stirrings of activity - myogenic ripples which are too weak and uncoordinated to achieve actual wiggling.

With a suitable audio feedback, it is my unquenchable belief that even the most non-ear-wiggling person will soon learn to control these muscles, to the point where motion can be perceived.

As an added aid, drinking straws glued to the backs of the ears will quiver at the first signs of auricular flexion, providing an additional visual feedback in front of the mirror.

No longer will you be unjustly held back in life, and no longer will you suffer from auricular immobility.