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The medical sciences have given us bigger and better clowns. But transportation technology has not kept pace.
I rememember a time when you could go to the circus confident that you would at some point be treated to the sight of that tiny gaily painted car wobbling into the center ring to deliver
its unbelievable passenger load of twelve, maybe fifteen tumbling clowns. Not so today. Seven perhaps. Nine tops. This is not good entertainment. A new element needs to be introduced to preserve the routine at its best for the audiences of tomorrow.
Whimisically decorated showroom models will not do. The classic clown car configuration (that of the wee puffy station wagon) is key to the comical effect.
Clown cars of the future should be scaled-up at least 3% overall and engineered with the goal of maximum performer containment in mind. Additionally, eschewing the non-essentials is a must, i.e. radio knobs and sunvisors. And, certainly, a steering wheel larger than a dinner roll would be totally unnecessary.
It seems such an easy problem to solve.
Bus Stop Clown
Bus_20Stop_20Clowns
Idea that popped up 5th in google under "clown bus." [Blumster, Jan 22 2005]
Website out to get rid of clowns in cars, and clowns in general.
http://www.ihateclo.../viewtopic.php?t=80
This idea is linked to about two thirds down. This is war. [Blumster, Jan 22 2005]
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Lessee...bigger cars for transporting fools. Sounds like an SUV. |
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And that would be... Satan's Ubiquitous Van? |
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Rather than burn all the extra fuel, wouldn't it be more feasible to take advantage of recent technological advances in clown miniaturization? |
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Uggh <shiver>, smaller clowns? Just the thought of mini clowns running everywhere sends shivers up my spine. Time to start work on the "Clown Trap." |
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waugsqueke has a good angle, and here's another: inflatable clowns that grow larger as they exit the car, perhaps due to the action of a compressed-air cylinder secreted somewhere in their costumes. |
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Inflatable clowns! Hmmm... |
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hm...i was always told SUV stood for "Stupid Urban Vehicle"... |
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This is the same kind of dangerous bigger-is-better
thinking that led to the Proto-Clown disaster. Be careful. |
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I think any formalisation of the currently ad-hoc and per-job construction strategy of even "big-circus" clown cars would open a pandoras box of warranty claims , say, for the doors NOT falling off 328i Bonzos or the smoke NOT being produced by a SAAB 95 Carlson Carolli... leave it to the amateurs I say! |
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Well Sir... it was a 4 Door sedan you ordered and it still is.. oh I see your point! ... Nice Big Colourful Flower you have there sir... may I smell it? |
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I went to the circus one time, and the clown car was a Caprice wagon. Like 50 clowns climbed out of it. |
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The day they build a smaller clown is the day I want claymore mines that are set off by overly large amounts of foundation paint. |
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That way we get rid of clowns and most of the over 50 women in Beverly Hills at the same time. |
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Are you all mad? The last thing this world needs is more clowns in a car! I say we should impose a limit on the maximum clown capacity of all cars, say four clowns per car. There could be a per-clown penalty for drivers of cars exceeding the clown/car safety threshold. |
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There are already too many clowns in cars. If you don't believe me, have a look at this: |
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http://www.ihateclowns.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=80 |
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Clown bus.
It's my great new idea.
I Google for "clown bus."
Results list an HB entry 5th (see link.)
I try again with "clown car" and this time it pops up sixth. |
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My hopes and dreams of a novel clown vehicle dashed, I contemplate life. |
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Is it still worth living? |
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[sidenote: It is so cool that HB has entries that pop up so high on google. About such ridiculous things.] |
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[edit: see new link re: people who dont want to see more clowns in vehicles.] |
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Kevin/Blum, that link appears to be a chat forum for people who live in fear of clowns. I'm heartened to know that the internet can continue to surprise me. |
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