Belly Button Pressure Outlet Device

Having recently (like, today) had Gastroenteritus, I discovered that although I could release wind copiusly, it was always accompanied by the emergence of fairly viscous, and it must be said, foul smelling liquid...then it came to me. Why not have a screw-in device which would allow the release of such a dangerous build up of pressure safely and hygenically? Giving you, for the first time, the power to decide how, when and where you cause an emission. Some surgery might be needed initially to embed a bayonet or screw type fitting within the BB itself, but after that a variety of third-party attachments could become available. Ever seen the advert about "no hands free to use a torch?"...well, you have now!