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Belching Class
It's a remarkable method of relieving gas bubbles in the stomach. | |
I consider myself an accomplished Burpist. I've
belched
out the names of all my family members, counted to
100, and said the whole alphabet from A-Z and back
to
A. I can belch loudly and rattle my neighbors' windows
(always a satisfying activity at 2 AM) or so quietly the
person next to
me
in an elevator doesn't realize I've
done it until the smell catches up. Not everyone has
this
ability, and while much-derided, being able to belch
on
command is a remarkably useful skill. Ever wake up in
the middle of the night with unbearable stomach
pains
only to discover it's just gas? Try belching a few
times.
It works amazingly well.
Conversely, flatulating has the same beneficial
effects,
yet this is something I am not able to do on command.
It's something I'd like to add to my arsenal, but I just
don't know how to do it on command. Others can
quite
skillfully.
So I propose a class dedicated to teaching people how
to belch and fart on command, and how to do both
silently for unobtrusive use in public spaces. You
know,
for the health benefits.
Not for the faint of heart.
Engraving by John Derrick, 1581
http://www.lib.ed.a...ages/bg0055_jpg.htm
showing professional farters (braigetori) in action [pocmloc, Oct 16 2011]
Some scholarly citations
http://laudatortemp...4/rectal-music.html
most notably, Greer Ramsey, "A breath of fresh air: rectal music in Gaelic Ireland," Archaeology Ireland 16.1 (Spring 2002) 22-23 [pocmloc, Oct 16 2011]
Fartistry
http://www.damninte...ofessional-farters/
The life and times of "Le Pétomane" [MikeD, Oct 16 2011]
Prior art
http://www.google.c...4l3204l0.3.9.1l13l0
Googled for "burping instructions" [normzone, Oct 17 2011]
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Annotation:
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Sorry, didn't mean to delete any votes or annos but I
wasn't ready to post it yet. Man, those were some fast
fishbones though... believe it or not, I *did* do some
rather extensive pre-post Googling. |
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I see you've found my other YouTube channel. |
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It seems to be becoming more acceptable to belch in
casual company (provided you're not going for some kind of
record, that is). If I do so, say in a restaurant or at dinner
with friends, I usually take a super-quick look around; if
nobody is reacting to my gastronomic discharge, even with
a sidelong glance, I don't
bother excusing myself. It's nice to see the old ways
coming back. |
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//so quietly the person next to me in an elevator
doesn't realize I've done it until the smell catches up//
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And then you hand them your business card and tell
them the first lesson is free? |
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I like it better now that the idea is more than the single word "It."
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This skill would be useful in a crowded supermarket checkout line, where you could let loose a powerful belch, and add a silent stinker to seal the deal. Provided the checker's knees don't buckle, it's smooth sailing as the store employees move Heaven and Earth to get you out the door as soon as possible.
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[+] Bunnage for the idea, but [-] Boneage for not giving me the opportunity to remove my own anno and vote after a perfectly reasonable explanation on your part. Net = [ ] |
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For more classical literature on the subject, check out
Benjamin Franklin's treatise on bodily functions, which is
included in a book entitled 'Fart Proudly'. |
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Well [21Q], I'm going to have to agree with [UnaBubba] on this one.
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//classical literature on the subject//
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<off to conduct internet research>
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Wonder if it is possible to achieve projecting a fart the same way a ventriloquist projects their voice? |
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//Its nice to see the old ways coming back// You mean, you actually see them coming? |
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Interesting to note that belching has not yet received the same level of professional nor scholarly attention. |
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//Interesting to note that belching has not yet received the same level of professional nor scholarly attention.//
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Au contraire, primary school is the very foundation of scholarly pursuit (literally). |
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Classes that teach people how to do something that
people are already sometimes doing normally fall
under marked-for-deletion "advocacy."
Is the factually unsupported "health benefits" angle
anything but window dressing? |
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Yes it actually is a benefit. I woke up yesterday morning
with horrible stomach pains. A few professional-quality
belches later, and I was A-okay. Later in the day,
someone
in the hall at work was complaining of gas and some girl
said 'dude, just fart. You'll feel TONS better'. There is
plenty of anecdotal evidence supporting my claim.
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Regarding classes teaching people to do things that
some people are already doing normally, that can be
said of nearly anything for which classes can be taught
(ie, automotive repair, martial arts, rock climbing, etc). |
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The other side of this is that there is a difference
between knowing how to do something and knowing
how to teach it. You have convinced us all that you
know how to belch, but will your teaching method
simply involve saying, "dude, just belch."? |
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Oh by no means. The Art of the Belch is one which can
definitely be taught. The student simply needs to be
guided, instructed in how to open his airway and breath
in
a way that forces a large volume of air into the
stomach,
then tighten the diaphragm to rapidly expel the gaseous
contents. In addition to proper breathing pattern and
muscle control, you must also adjust your posture in a
way that is conducive to burping. These are all things
that can be taught. |
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I checked out both the videos and all the links on that search results page... none of them seem very helpful. The first video was all about breathing, and mentioned nothing about posture or muscle control. The second video was a sarcastic moron who's clearly been smoking pot. I admit, I didn't watch the whole thing (it had some blond curly-haired teenager. If that's the one you claim to be prior art, then I'll watch it.) The step-by-step breakdowns all mentioned drinking carbonated beverages and getting someone to pat you on the back.
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In short none of them contained a step-by-step guide on how to induce a belch without external aid (ie, carbonated beverage or another person), and none of them mentioned anything about how to do it quietly. |
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Yeah, that's one of the challenges in the martial arts world. Some disciplines advocate striking with the hands, others the feet, some are all about grappling and others emphasize dodging. Every body has to choose their own burp-fu. |
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