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Beer Seat
The more you drink, the less you fall | |
If one drinks too much beer, it is common to encounter mysterious falling-over illness. This is bad but unavoidable.
I propose that when you enter a bar for a serious drinking session, you buy all the beer at the beginning of the evening. "Fifty pints of Rusty Iron please - and put them in the chair".
Oh?
In the chair? Ah-ha! Yes, this is a large inflatable chair, which is inflated with beer. Refrigeration may be integrated in some models, and there is a soft cushion.
The chair has its own beer tap, so the drinker can fill his glass as much as he likes. There is a hose attachment available for later in the evening.
The key point about this chair is that it deflates as you drink the beer. After you've had your fill, and the fill of everyone else around you, you will find yourself sitting on the floor, safe from falling off the chair.
Four sturdy rubber handles attached to the chair allow you to be carried, still in the chair, to the designated driver's car where you can be slid into position alongside your friends, each sitting on their own deflated beer seats.
[link]
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There is a key aspect that makes this idea woefully inadequate. |
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I'll give you a clue - it's going to happen about 3-4 beers in to your 'session'. |
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I agree - it really needs to be a chair with two separate compartments, one empty at the beginning of the evening, and the other filled with beer. |
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... unless the //hose attachment// is an allusion to our <ahem> requirement? |
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In the early stages of the //session// one is able to relieve such urges in the conventional manner. Towards the end I don't think you really care any more. |
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Externally resembling a classic La-Z-Boy recliner, the chair has a space under the seat capable of containing a complete 24-can "slab" of cans of alcoholic beverage. The chamber is refrigerated. |
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On pressing a button, a small hatch opens in the right armrest and a can is raised by a conveyor mechanism to a convenient grasping position. When the can is empty, it can be placed in the disposal chute located just below armrest level where it is crushed to minimum size and bagged (Do NOT place remote controls into the disposal chute). |
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The deluxe model incoprorates a commode-like facility for urine disposal. |
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Built into the "wings" each side of the user's head is a high quality speaker system. |
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Numerous controls allow the chair to progressvely transform from an upright armchair to a reclining armchair, a couch, a bed, and, eventually, a coffin. |
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The chair has an integrated multimedia PC. |
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WARNING: Excessive use of the chair may result in obesity, muscle wasting, kidney failure, liver failure, heart failure, respiratory collapse and death. |
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If you're a lager drinker, that's perfectly logical... |
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