Bed Bugs Mattress Set

Since there's microscopic bugs in your mattress anyway, why not just have a plastic mattress filled with larger ones, with maybe some soft dirt, leaves, whatever, for them to munch on? You'd have to use soft bugs, like worms, otherwise the crunch would keep you awake.

I imagine the feeling might be something like sleeping on a waterbed, only a bit nastier. Just think of how quick you'd get up in the morning. Think of the dreams...

Still working on the glitches of how to keep them alive without opening the thing up and getting a huge case of the willies.

Alternatively, simply have a clear plastic pillow filled with creepy-crawlies. You can tell it's nearly 1 in the morning here. I'm sinking fast. Now if I could only stop thinking about what's living in my mattress...