h a l f b a k e r yWhy not imagine it in a way that works?
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it's a dyslexic transposition. bagpipe RENDING machine, machine to rend bagpipes. needed everywhere. Actually at about 1km the pipes don't sound that bad. Inside, however.... |
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Would the vending machine play bagpipe music all day in order to attract customers? |
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would they look like enormous bagpipes? |
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I would happily put money in a machine, position the disposable sanitary cover for the mouthpiece, and make the pipes wail and squeal for one minute. |
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Provided, of course, that the protective safety barrier was raised to protect me. |
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This reminds me of an idea I've been meaning to post for a while - "Rent A Kettle Drum". |
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Och! I'm sure I've seen these located somewhere between the vend-a-haggis, po'o'porage and kilt-o-mat machines at Embra airport. |
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You can never get a hold of bagpipes when you need them in an emergency! |
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I also wish to propose a sort of Bagpipe Karaoke Juke Box, where you blow into a Bagpipe tube and it modulates the sound sufficiently for it to accompany a "proper" piece of music. The bagpipe is an excellent instrument, and deserving of its own category. |
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This is sooooooo silly! Yes +++++ |
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//The bagpipe is an excellent instrument// of torture [-] |
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If only they grew on trees :) |
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We'd have uilleann pipe vending machines round here. |
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You can make one of these if you have the following: a spare
goat's
stomach; a vacuum cleaner's flexible hose; an 's' bend from a
sink; half a dozen pieces of hollowed out bamboo; and (of
course) a tin of treacle (sometimes mistakenly called
molasses in the colonies). |
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//Needs a category change.//
Whoops! Fixed. |
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(cloud_nine) for soothing feral scotts of course |
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That [link] is hillarious [xandram]. |
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I think bagpipes should have optional earphones. |
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Not sure I understand the idea, is there a particular need for vended bagpipes? IF the idea was 'ínsert a coin and play bagpipe music over the train-station PA system' then you'd get a bun. Otherwise [-] |
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//There should be a type of bagpipe that fights back// - You mean there's a type that doesn't? |
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//Like an ayeBagPipe you mean ?//
The i-pipepod.
Seriously though, how about an ultra-sonic or mosquito ringtone bagpipe...give your neighbours dog a 'good' reason to be barking half the night. |
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I heard it said, quite recently, that every shephardic culture has its own version of the bagpipes. But of course, agriculture in the US has long been fairly industrialised, in a Chigaco-stockyards and mechanically-recovered meats kind of way. Similarly, the American Way, at least as it is presented to the wider world, features little elemental midnight "Weel done, cutty sark!"iness and less still of the mournful introspection native to older, less fertile countries. Against that background it is therefore unsurprising that bagpipes would be considered sufficiently bizzare that they can be the subject of, eh, broad comedy. Which is, I feel, something of a shame. The pipes are a fine instrument, well worth busting out at occaisons other than ticker-tape parades and Boston funerals (which, now that I think about it, are better organised yet emotionally repressed analogues of the two extremes touched on in re Scotland). |
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If we accept as true that fear of bagpipes is indeed the litmus test for emotional repression, then it behooves us to find the solution to these woes. And why, I ask, should it be that the the indicator of choked emotional bandwidth should not also be at least part of the cure? Just as it has been proven that expert deployment of a 909 kickdrum can unfuck ones chakras and get the chi flowing, it may be that inhabitants of both the US and that other nation of pipes-dreading fops and miscreants - England - could, simply by immersing their collective selves in the drone and skirl of wanton, unabashed bagpipery loosen that constipatory faecal plug that clogs their individual emotional networks and become, say it, say it sotto voce if you must, but say it nonetheless, more like the Scots. |
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If you attached a mechanism to a set of bagpipes, so that they played away on their own, you could then fling them backwards and forwards to a partner over a low level net. This would be a form of Bagpipe Musical Tennis. I think this would be a very good activity to promote, and I want a grant to develop it until it reaches its full potential. |
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I know that today I would not have to wear these terrible wooden dentures because I would not have furiously ground my teeth to nubs in impotent frustration at my lack of bagpipe, had calums marvelous vending machines been liberally placed about my environment. If only! |
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