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Because kids today are tired of playing with normal pets, I would like to market to the world my newest family friend, Bag-O- Australian Plague Locusts. Each burlap bag comes with a swarm of these god forsaken beasts.
Adults of the Australian plague locust, Chortoicetes terminifera, are not only
fun to raise from the nymph (hopper)stage, they are also the most horrid of the locust family, bringing disease and destruction wherever the wrath is unleashed.
Nothing is more fun than a bag of locusts in the hands of an 8 - 11 year old! And what's so fun about them? Adults and hoppers chew pieces out of leaves and stems; often all that remains is the midrib and stems. These insects can cause severe damage to crops due to the voracious feeding habits of nymphs and adults. They can completely defoliate crops overnight when populations are swarming causing serious economic damage.
These buggers are the unholy swarm of apocolyptic destructioni every God fearing child should get a hold of.
So there you have it, this years gift that keeps on taking... Bag-O-Australian Plague Locusts.
Fun!
http://unclestupid.com
Good Pies! [vincenzo, Oct 04 2004]
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Annotation:
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I think they already have Bag-O-Pissed Off Scorpions and the lesser known Bag-O-HIV Infested Syringes. |
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Believe me- nothing would be more fun than Bag-O-Shaved Weasels, Bag-O-PMS-Crazy Roller Derby Queens, or Bag-O Peyote-and-Red-Wine-Stoned Midget Bikers! |
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Bag-O Strung-Out-and-Hung-Over Crackheads probably wouldn't be a smash hit. They'd be too boring (at least until they started jonesing for another hit). |
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How about another spinoff hit from Australia: Bag-O-Budgies. |
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While the little buggers make cute (if noisy) house pets, they're a big pest down under. Apparently a flock (or swarm?) of budgies can reduce a field of grain to nothing but bare stalks in no time. |
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Bag-O-Budgies also make nice ornaments for the Christmas tree as well, especially when they're stuffed. (Live budgies should be wired, glued or stapled to the tree branches, of course) |
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They're also great as appetizers- try them with Buffalo wing sauce, honey garlic sauce, Cajun spice, or the ever-popular mesquite marinade. |
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Maybe the Bag-O-Crackheads wouldn't do much, but a Bag-O-Longtime-Meth-Addicts could be more fun than a steel cage wrestling match between Al Gore and Dubya, given how violent they can get.| — | arghblah,
Nov 05 2000, last modified Dec 06 2000 |
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Oops, Sorry. Bag-o-locusts sounded like food to me. I was thinking dried shrimp. |
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Forget PMS, try Bag-O-Moms With Collicky Babies Who Haven't Gotten Out In Two Months. I worked with one of those, and she could be just a little... um... interesting. |
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Thanks everybody. I haven't laughed that hard for a long time. |
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"So I thought to myself, 'What would God do in this situation'" - Homer Simpson |
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