h a l f b a k e r yIt's not a thing. It will be a thing.
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Baby "WhyCry"
Sensor and display package for diagnosing grumpy babies | |
The WhyCry is a small compact battery operated pebble-like device with an inlaid wipe-clean screen.
On this screen vital statistics are displayed, including:
i) ambient temperature
ii) draught/wind-chill factor
iii) noise meter
iv) sound quality meter
v) Time since last
nap
vi) Time since last feed
vii) Time since last change
viii) Time since last <something else>
ix) Light brightness meter
x) Light "tone" meter
When the baby cries, a heuristic is run based on recently sampled values and outputs, based on the current conditions a "Top 5" reasons why baby might be crying right now is displayed in large, friendly letters on the front.
Discovery Channel: WhyCry
https://www.youtube...watch?v=ZsE0pjmbsQc
Pre-empting my idea by at least 5 years judging by the YouTube posting date. [zen_tom, Jan 29 2021]
Translation will be easy
https://www.rottent...103_the_deadly_wake
scifi where an fetus/unborn child is used as the ocean going ship's computer [wjt, Jan 29 2021]
Portable child hypoxicator
Portable_20child_20hypoxicator
You know you need one. [8th of 7, Jan 29 2021]
[link]
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xi) Baby just needs to be held because it feels safe and
nice. |
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A device featured on an early Simpsons episode. |
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//why baby might be crying right now// |
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Baby wants to verify presence of adult humans, establish/proof status as -located- rather than -misplaced-. |
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Baby is testing baby early warning system. |
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Baby is measuring response time. |
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Baby is stress testing baby life care systems. |
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Perhaps it's all the sensors stuck on his/skin, that lead back into the WhyCry device... |
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[Theleop] ... yeah, just 4 + a bit weeks to go now. |
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[21] I know the thing you mean, but no - I was using
pebble-like very much in the smooth rock sense. |
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Baby attempts to divide by zero. |
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Baby experiences DIAPER STACK OVERFLOW. |
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Baby cries because he / she can't talk yet and say "yo Dad, get yo ass in here". |
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A common reason is just to be assured the parents are still around. |
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// "Top 5" reasons why baby might be crying right now // |
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Excessive environmental oxygen. |
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If you wired this thing back to front it might run in reverse, monitoring baby and then prodding or shocking it if it stops crying. |
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Now, that would be a truly spiteful christening gift ... "Look, here's a special Infant FitBit for your horrible squalling, puking, ugly, smelly little pink maggot-thing ..." |
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Make it web-aware and you could ensure that the parents don't get any proper sleep for months, leading to psychosis, depression and possible domestic violence, by timing the bouts of screaming to be triggered remotely ... apparently, ordinary babies are quite bad enough without getting shocks, so the sleep-deprived owners might simply not notice ... |
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We consider an Instructables project may be in order ... |
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i think this would work for adults too |
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