h a l f b a k e r yExperiencing technical difficulties since 1999
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If you’re a slim-hipped person (such as a jockey or supermodel), you know the injustice of having your fair share of subway seating imposed upon by neighbors of greater girth (such as earth mothers and sumo wrestlers).
Now you can take back your rightful territory with a pair of Aufblasbarehosen.
These loose-fitting, air-tight trousers, snuggly cinched at the waist and ankles, are the perfect solution for increasing your lap width on an ass-needed basis. After taking your seat, simply give the convenient front-mounted tube a few strong puffs and close the valve. As your pants blow up, your seat mates get squeezed back where they belong.
Aufblasbarehosen are rated for a maximum pressure of 30 psi (200 kPa).
[link]
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"...simply give the convenient
front-mounted tube a few strong puffs..."
and
get arrested for gross indecency. Smooth. |
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can they have spikes? (please) |
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Yes! No more scraped hips for me! |
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//Aufblasvarehosen are rated for a maximum pressure of 30 psi// so I can inflate them when I do the car tyres, then? |
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Great that it's rated for 30psi, but you’re not going to manage more than 1psi by mouth. And that’s good, isn’t it, because otherwise you’d cut off the circulation in your legs, and when you tried to stand, you’d fall on your face and roll around in the aisle like a pair of sausage links joined by a red-faced lunatic hollering, “help me get these damned aufblasbarehosen off!” |
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"simply give the convenient front-mounted tube a few strong puffs" |
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st3f beat me to it. But this simply bears repeating. Brilliant! |
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Sounds better than "Pantalon gonflable"
too. Excellent. |
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Did I get that translation right, or should it be "Aufblasbarehose"? |
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it's the tube /hose association that is putting you off. hosen sounds right to me. |
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Take an autopump with you. Less work for your lungs, and might be amusing to see hapless passengers pushed ( at speed ) from you. |
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I'm kinda thinking that sitting on a train with inflated trousers, no one's going to want to sit near you anyway...'cept maybe the NY subway, where everybody's so damn weird, nobody ever notices anything. |
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...and in the event of an emergency, your hosen can become a floatation device. |
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//I'm kinda thinking that sitting on a train with inflated trousers, no one's going to want to sit near you anyway...'cept maybe the NY subway, where everybody's so damn weird, nobody ever notices anything.// |
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Yeah, must agree with you. But what about those people who can't help being fat? Just because some slim person wants the same room as regular people shouldn't mean that it offends other people. This might be a sort of signal to larger people saying 'sorry mate, you're a fatso, so fuck off, nobody wants you near us' (I'm not sure that I worded this right...) |
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//...and in the event of an emergency, your hosen can become a floatation device.// with your legs floating wildly above you... |
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But what happens when an above average weighted person sits on an already inflated Aufblasbarehosen? You get an accidentily deflated Aufblasbarehosen, that's what. |
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The rear-mounted pressure-relief valve will ensure you don't over inflate your hosen. Maybe an audible cue to tell you have reached the rated pressure; maybe like a whoopee cushion? |
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