h a l f b a k e r yExpensive, difficult, slightly dangerous, not particularly effective... I'm on a roll.
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It is easy to shell whole wlanuts by crushing two together in the palm of the hand, thus fracturing the shell and giving access to the delicious and nutritious nut within.
However, in the absence of a nutcracker, how does one open the last walnut in the bag ?
The answer is for every bag of walnuts
to contain one artificial walnut, with the same surface characteristics as a real walnut, but made of a hard, low-cost substance i.e. cast cement.
This can be used to crack open the last walnut, and then discarded, or kept as a souvenir.
How to Crack A Walnut With One Hand:
http://scottobear.l...al.com/2213464.html
This blog also features a fine rant about the nuts in Venezuela. [Amos Kito, Apr 27 2008, last modified Apr 28 2008]
Artificial Nuts
http://www.neuticles.com/index1.html
Exactly what this idea isn't [Noexit, Apr 28 2008]
Artificial Walnuts
http://www.historic...walnut%20recipe.htm
...the direct precursors to Fortune Cookies, it seems. [DrCurry, Apr 28 2008]
Artificial Walnut
http://www.alibaba...._Peony_Plywood.html
Still no good for cracking nuts. [DrCurry, Apr 28 2008]
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Anybody else notice that loaves of bread always have an odd number of slices ? |
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It would also work if the last walnut is a real one. |
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How ? You can't crack one walnut that way, you need a pair. |
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// How? ... need a pair // |
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You need an even number of walnuts. It's easier to just include the WallNut (tm) though. |
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...or another bag of walnuts. |
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// You need an even number of walnuts // |
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No, that's the point. One walnut shell tends to fail catastrophically while the other survives with little or no damage. The result is that you are left with the "toughest" walnut and no means to crack it. |
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Seems a shame though. That one walnut has made it all the way through the bag. Surely it has earned the right to its freedom? |
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"My name is Maximus Deciduous Juglandaceae", etc. |
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//you are left with the "toughest" walnut and no means to crack it//
Never having tried this, I didn't know that one nut survives the pressure. I'm grateful for the clarification. Now I will be getting a bag of walnuts, and another bag of walnuts to crack them. |
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Wait a minute! Real or not, won't you still be left with an inedible nut? |
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From Scott's Wall Scrawls [Link]:
How to crack a walnut with one hand:
First, place two hard-shelled walnuts in the palm of your hand. Carefully line up the seams, and wrap your fingers around them. With your hand slightly cupped, get a good grip - One walnut should rested against the base of the thumb, while the other one presses against the curved second and third fingers. Squeeze *HARD* until the weaker one of the two walnuts gives in to the pressure. |
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Throw it at a wall. Walnut + wall = nut, quite perversely. |
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"What do you have when there are two nuts on your wall?" |
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I'd just press the last walnut against a hard surface, such as a wall, or my kneecap, or even between a wall and my kneecap. (These are those sissy English Walnuts, aren't they, not the knobby black walnuts, 'cause those would hurt.) |
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// Walnut + wall = nut, quite perversely. // |
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// a hard surface, such as a wall, or my kneecap // |
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The kneecap thing really hurts. Ditto the wall, and you get extra dirt and frit in your walnut if you do manage to crack the shell .... |
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But when you're low on walnuts, someone will just empty a new bag of walnuts into the walnut bowl. Then, the next time you fancy a tasty walnut you'll struggle for hours before realising you're trying to crack two artificial walnuts against each other.
(How to open walnuts: Insert screwdriver or thick knife blade into the crack in the blunt end of the walnut. Twist the knife or screwdriver, and the two halves of the walnut will separate) |
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Alternatively, they could include one LESS walnut in the bag. Problem solved. |
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What [hippo] said, pretty much like oysters.
Incidentally, oysters are hugely over-rated as a sexual stimulant. Last time I had a dozen, only eight of them worked. |
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I kinda like the idea. You could carry the false walnut around in your pocket during outings that might bring you into a walnut grove. |
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//Last time I had a dozen, only eight of them worked.// |
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Maybe you should have waited for your girlfriend to come out of the bathroom. |
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I have to believe that, if crushing two walnuts together will crack one of them, the same will hold true if you substitute virtually any hard item for one of the walnuts. |
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So, no artificial walnuts required, just use your cell phone. Or one of angel's oysters. |
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//You could carry the false walnut around in your pocket // |
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// just use your cell phone// |
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OR... a false walnut cellphone !!!! |
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walnut v mobile - mobile will lose. |
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// Insert screwdriver or thick knife blade // |
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Fine if one has a suitable implement to hand.... there's probably a Swiss Army knife with a built in nutcracker .... but this is a "stand alone" solution. |
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The artifical walnut could double as the fob on the drawstring for the bag. Otherwise it would be lost down among the real walnuts, unappreciated and alone. |
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I use fob in the humpty dumpty sense of "thing on a string that does something" and because it is a wonderful, ancient and disused word. |
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On looking up "fob" in the OED I found:
1. trans. To cheat, deceive, delude, trick, impose upon, ‘take in’; also with up. Also, to fob (a person) of or out of (something). colloq. |
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This too would apply were someone to eat the artifical walnut. |
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Why not just reach down and grab a rock. If you don't live in the country you could just reach down and grab a ... well ahh hum. What would you grab in the city? No No!! Wait! I know, each bag of walnuts could contain a marble. One of the big ones we prized as a kid when shooting marbles. |
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I believe Eric Clapton played guitar for False Walnut. |
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//What would you grab in the city?//
An oyster. (For certain values of 'city'.) |
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"Is that a false walnut in your pocket, ..." |
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