h a l f b a k e r yQuis custodiet the custard?
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When going through various apocalyptic scenarios in my head, locks are something
that always cause me great difficulty. E.g., during a nuclear incident, an abandoned
vehicle is something that might allow me to transport myself and my dinghy to the
coast so that I may float safely to Denmark. Since
the invention of engine
immobilisers, the disaster-movie staple of knowing how to hot-wire a car is no longer
enough.
Every car door and key-operated ignition switch, as well as the locks on all buildings,
will contain a device which causes it to unlock in the event of an apocalypse. The
locks can be reset afterwards by someone who possesses the original key, in case
the owner is still around.
For [bungston]...
http://www.dailymot...-last-v8_videogames
[Jinbish, Apr 08 2011]
Can You Hotwire A New Car?
https://themotordig...-hotwire-a-new-car/
[Voice, Mar 22 2023]
[link]
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You're approaching your post-apocalyptic disaster scenarios with a legal-objective civilization-in-tact mentality instead of the more likely clutching-a-rock and swinging-madly-at- everything mentality, that should easily get you into most places. |
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How will the car know it's the apocalypse? What if the
apocalypse involves nuclear weapons and all the
electronics are fried? Best to get yourself a good old
diesel mercedes from the 70s if you really want post-
apocalyptic transportation. |
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What if the apocalypse comes in the form of zombie road-
hogs? What if I'm apocalypted and don't want someone else
to steal my car? And what [DIYMatt] said. |
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In the event of an apocalypse the only thing you have to be prepared for is the realization that everything and everyone you know and love will be gone. And how to swing a rock, hard. |
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That set up would more likely result in someone killing you and easily robbing you of your car. Or if they are kind, hazing you out until the lock deactivates then resuscitating you, but leaving you pantsless and shivering at the side of the road. |
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One person's apocalypse is another person's spate of bad weather. Apocalypse is in the eye of the beholder. For example, idris83, when there was that bad summer for gnats a few years back, you were sure that was the apocalypse. Sun looks like sackcloth, moon looks like blood, for only a few minutes on an otherwise beautiful morning, idris83 is clutching-a-rock and talking about the End Time. Zombies, but not many, no-one you know, easily dispatched - and yep, there goes idris83 again - "Goosey Loosy! Ducky Lucky! I want to drive the last of the V8 Interceptors to the coast! It would be a shame to blow it up!" |
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I think the problem is the whole concept of apocalypse as an absolute rather than a matter of degree. |
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One person's apocalypse is another person's plot device in a heist movie... {Ocean's Thirteen} |
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Yes, but now we have bottled water as well. |
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Oh c'mon. You just know someone would whip up a premature apocalyption device and go around unlocking whatever they wanted. |
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THE END IS COMING THE END IS NIGH. BEHOLD AND BE IN AWE FOR THE END OF THE WORLD IS UPON THE VERY BREAST OF MOTHER EARTH. THE INFANT MIND OF MORTAL MAN CANNOT CONCEIVE OF IT IN FULLNESS, BUT YET IT IS HERE! |
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// clutching-a-rock and swinging-madly-at- everything mentality, that should easily get you into most places. // |
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If you can start a car with an engine immobiliser using only a rock, I'll give you 10p. |
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How many disaster movies would have ended in the first 10 minutes had the protagonist not chanced upon a car with keys already in the ignition or located conveniently nearby, or that was so insecure that a few seconds of fumbling under the dash board was enough to get it going? |
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Wouldn't you prefer to live your afterlife haunting your old car, vicariously watching over Milla Jovovich and Mel Gibson as they speed away from the looming spire of fallout dust to the sanctuary of Bigbury-on-Sea where they will instantly commandeer an unlocked fishing boat to Tenerife, instead of seeing them slowly irradiated in a Peckham garage trying to figure out how to rewire an engine immobiliser? |
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// I want to know that if it takes me an hour to get to my car (say it happens while I'm at work and I commuted by foot or bus and have to walk back) my car will still be there when I get to my driveway. // |
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But why would you walk for an hour fending off triffids and daleks when you could get into one of the hundreds of now ownerless and unlocked cars parked along your route? For it to count as an apocalypse, a majority of people will have perished, meaning there will be more than enough cars and buildings to be shared amongst the survivors. |
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If you are within remote-locking distance of your car, you can still secure it. If you are further than this, it's unlikely you will ever need it again. |
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// that bad summer for gnats a few years back, you were sure that was the apocalypse // |
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I suppose, if implemented, this would cause the already unsettling sound of your front door unlocking to become infinitely more terrifying. |
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Oh ye naysayers. The end of the world is obviously
nigh and now would be a good time to start
preparing. Any system that eases the transition to
an
EOTW scenario deserves plaudits and/or buns.
Perhaps a
council could be established who would rule on
whether an event constitutes the EOTW or just a
minor local disturbance. The council could push
the
master unlocking button. Or did the Mayan chief
astronomer discover spider solitaire and never
finish
the job. |
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The apocalypse is supposed to be the triumph of Good over
Evil, no? From the Communist perspective, apocalyptically
deactivated locks would produce exactly that effect, by
abolishing private property. Paradise for the good, and
punishment for the wicked, in one tidy package. |
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Creates a further point of weakness during artificially created or non alpaco-lips events. |
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Perhaps, when the apocalocks are triggered to unlock, the car / building's alarm will also start wailing. This will give the owners a heads-up that their car / building is now unlocked, so they can go and reset the locks if they wish; just as someone would reset the alarm on their car if a cat jumped on it in the night. Maybe there could be an optional 60-second delay between start of alarm and unlocking. |
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This would both mitigate the potential losses that would be caused by a false alarm, as well as acting as a distributed air-raid / fallout siren system. |
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False positve fatigue, or "cry-wolf" syndrome... |
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Not really knocking the idea, I would actually like to see how the survivors of the next ELE try and explain their existance (due mainly to self-unlocking vehicles) within some religious context. heh heh! |
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No way! My locksmithing skills and my car will be
two of my major skills in an apocalypse! |
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I just realized I also have a two weeks supply of
spaghetti-o's. hotdamn! Im going to be an alpha
male when the armageddon comes! |
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First option: enter house. Find dead body. Take
keys off body. Take car in driveway. |
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Second option: learn how to hotwire a car. It's
not that hard. |
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Ditto on entering a house, it's simple enough to
get a crowbar and pop a door. Very few lock type
protections are any good if there isn't a
reasonable chance of the police showing up in 5
minutes. |
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