h a l f b a k e r yBaker Street Irregulars
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While at a recent football match (soccer: Scotland v Ireland for those interested) I lamented the athletics running track surrounding the pitch.
How much use is it really? As far as I am concerned it only serves to distance the loyal tartan army (Scots fans) from our beloved team of superstars (sic).
I
suggest using the space to double up as a barrier to would be pitch invaders: The entire track is a large pliable tube set onto two sets of cogs. A cross section would look like a bicycle chain on its cogs. Should anybody try to run onto the pitch, the cogs start to turn and the tube acts as a giant conveyor belt working against the invader, much to the amusement of the crowd.
Imagine some brave soul, ready to streak in his birthday suit in front of the 52,000 people and millions on TV - only to set foot on the track and find himself running on a treadmill. He quickens his pace, getting closer to the edge of the pitch... slowly...getting closer... nearly there... OH he's fallen! In the buff, he is conveyed back to whence he came. Covered in ignomany and failure.
Travelator or Conveyor Belt
http://www.wikipedi...iki/Moving_sidewalk
Something like this... but faster like the uphill one they used on 'Gladiators' and 'American Gladiators' [Jinbish, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]
Hampden Park
http://dspace.dial..../scots/hampden2.jpg
The curse of the running track in stadia. [Jinbish, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 05 2004]
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Hey this is anti-streakerism. I like streakers, they can make an otherwise dull game of football seem entertaining. Instead we need to propel random people canonically from their seats and onto the pitch, then a hose sprays them completely wet till they are soaked to make their clothes more revealing, thus quaranteeing at least one semi-streaker every game. |
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there was a streaker during the england-australia game, but they're not allowed to show them on tv. i propose an add-on pay service for digital tv that acts like the sky 'player cam' and shows these streakers in all their glory. mix that with your travelator and we finally have a solution for the dullness of scottish football. |
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Was that the guy who ran onto the field twice? They aired that as a Nike Shox sneakers commercial in US during the recent Battle Of Piratous Fiends *aka* Super Bowl. Quite funny. |
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nah, the england-oz game only played last wednesday. unless those clever people in the nfl have invented a device to air footage of the future. that would be cool. |
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I say dig the thing up, and throw in some water and alligators - instant moat. |
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The guy's naked. He's running forward. The travelator's moving backwards. The travelator is made from a coarse rubber sheet. The travelator gets too fast. The man falls. Forwards. Ow ow ow. Croissant for providing another disincentive for pitch invasions. |
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Wouldn't it make it harder to retrieve the ball if kicked off-pitch? If the home side had control of the travelator speed they could use it to dastardly effect: the opposition run off to grab the ball for a quick throw-in, and you simply speed up the travelator catapulting them off their feet. Ideal for time-wasting. |
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The match was *that* interesting, eh? You deserve my lunchtime bun. |
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easier than the conveyor idea- borrow from the Teflon coated slide idea I just read. Slipping on one's hind quarters could be sufficiently embarrassing. No scraped skin, but a nasty bruise regardless. |
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What happens if they run backward ? Does the conveyor hurry the onto the pitch ? |
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