Anti-Valentine's Day Merchandise

Valentine's Day. Once a commemoration of a cranky Turkish bishop, it is now a bonanza for the candy, greeting card and flower industries and an occasion for dark, cynical, pessimistic and moody people to feel even more dark, cynical, etcetera etcetera because of their exclusion from the mainstream celebration of this day.

This is a tragedy. Dark, cynical, etcetera etcetera people do not buy Valentine's Day products in anything approaching the volume that their non-dark, non-cynical, non-etcetera non-etcetera counterparts do, and buying stuff, we are daily reminded, is the key to happiness and a sound economy.

Rather than change human nature- which is difficult- the candy, card and flower industries should engage in niche marketing, which is well-studied and fairly easy. In areas associated with high concentrations of the dark, cynical, etcetera etcetera consumer, the companies should market Anti-Valentine's Day products, such as the following:

* Artistically pre-withered black-dyed roses.
* Greeting cards with messages like "I don't have anyone, you don't have anyone, let's go get plastered." (For cuteness, this example could feature talking walls.)
* Black-frosted cookies in the shape of broken hearts, complete with jagged edges down the middle.
* Black candy hearts with messages like "No way," "Are you kidding?", "Don't even think about it" and "You're doomed to die alone".
* Special Anti-Valentine's versions of mainstream candies, such as Russell Stover's Bitter Chocolate LonelyHearts, Peeps Marshmellow Vultures, Cruel Snickers and Hershey's Kisses of Death.

(Yes, some of these things could be easily Baked at home- heck, your Uncle Nutsy quite literally Baked black broken-heart cookies a few years back- but the real opportunity is to put the amazing powers of the marketing industry behind it.)

[Admin: I notice this has been moved from Business:General to Culture:Celebration. I thought it went better in Business:General, since the idea is not Anti-Valentine's Day- which is well and truly Baked, if not in an organized manner- but selling products for it. However, in this as in all things I bow to the wisdom of our harsh webmistress.]