Anti-Paparazzi Spray Gun

A few celebrities like the attention of the paparazzi. This half-baked idea is not for them. Rather, it’s for those celebrities that would love nothing more than to shoot them. For these celebrities I propose attacking instead the one thing these so-called reporters treasure more than their lives- their super-expensive telephoto-lensed cameras. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating just a tad, but bear with me.

Repeated camera destruction will not do well for said photographer’s job prospects (if employed), or personal finances (if freelance). So what I’m proposing is this: have celebrities arm themselves with a water-gun full of disappearing-ink. Water-balloons can work well too. Shooting these at nearby paparazzi will stun and temporarily disable them without actually causing any permanent damage, as the ink will eventually become transparent and can be easily cleaned off. However, if the paparazzi are really getting on your nerves (and you have a really good lawyer on hand), you might want to get a sprayer with some sticky oily substance that can’t be cleaned off so easily from lenses. This latter approach will be a great deterrent for others photographers thinking of following in their footsteps, as well as being much more satisfying and fun for the celebrity.

Finally, the question arises how to protect oneself from a stealthy hiding-in-the-hedges paparazzo (the singular form of paparazzi). The answer here is surrounding ones property with motion detectors which trigger a fine mist of the sticky oily substance mentioned above into the air (assumed to be non-toxic and bio-degradable). This latter case is also on a somewhat better legal footing, since the mist originated on private property.