h a l f b a k e r yIt's as much a hovercraft as a pancake is a waffle.
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The planting mix contains various little plastic body
parts
attached to little rings or hooks. Eyes, ears, hands, feet,
noses,
mouths etc.
When the plant pokes out of the soil, it will catch these
little body parts which will remain on the plant as it
grows.
One plant will have an
eye, the other a mouth, the next
a
nose. You would have no idea how it would turn out.
It would increase the macabre surrealism of your garden
by
ten fold.
Dada_20Nests
[xenzag, Jul 11 2017]
https://vimeo.com/50746661
[hippo, Jul 11 2017]
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Annotation:
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//It would increase the macabre surrealism of your
garden by ten fold.// - that's quite a bold claim. Are
you saying that no matter how macabrelly surreal a
garden is to start with, this will make it ten times as
macabrelly surreal? I suggest that this claim is
mistaken and this invention will merely increase the
macabre surrealism of your garden by an absolute
amount, rather than by a multiplier. |
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Excllent news for the birds who will happily collect these
and add them as components to their Dada nests (see link) |
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// will merely increase the macabre surrealism of your garden by an absolute amount, rather than by a multiplier. // |
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The disadvantage of that is that a multiplier is dimensionless, but an absolute amount requires a standardized unit of macabre surreality, shirley ? Is there an SI unit for that, and, if not, isn't it high time there was ? |
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Would macabre sureality have its own unit, or will there be just a unit of surreality ? |
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These are important questions, and we demand answers. |
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If the items were carefully made with designed internal
channels, the growing plants can give exploded views. |
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//a standardized unit of macabre surreality// - this is
the Svankmeyer, one Svankmeyer being equivalent
to 'Food' (see link). |
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While I question the absolute necessity of
establishing standards and practices for
measurement of a garden's macabre surreality, I'd
propose macabreness being measured in "Poes" and
surreality being measured in units of "Dalis". |
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Assuming that a standard garden measures 1
Poe/Dali and the proposed accoutrements would
multiply that ten fold, you'd have your yard marker
to compare other gardens to. But still, clearly
there is work to be done to more clearly establish
a standard measurement for macabre /
surrealness. |
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I believe it's time for a tax payer funded
foundation to rank gardens on their Poe/Dali scale
and I'm just the man to run that organization.
Anybody suggesting that the "International
Organization For Garden Macabre Surreality
Measurement And Standards" (IAGMSMS) is a wast
of taxpayer money is clearly a racist, homophobe,
islamophobe sexist who is a trillion times worse
than Hitler. |
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Write your congressman today or send your
donations care of: |
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Me at
IAGMSMS
PO Box 1234
Citytown USA
54321 |
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And forget what I said earlier about this not being
absolutely necessary. |
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// While I question the absolute necessity of establishing standards // |
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But what is the SI unit of necessity ? You should question the relative necessity, shirley ? |
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In fact, that's the first job your organization needs to address - quantifying the absolute necessity of its own existence. |
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// macabreness being measured in "Poes" and surreality being measured in units of "Dalis". // |
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That seems reasonable ... |
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// a standard garden measures 1 Poe/Dali // |
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A typical garden, one with no more than the average number of Cthulhu* fishing-gnomes and white bone human skull birdseed feeders, should probably rate no more than a few hundred milliPoes, and sixty or so microDalis**. |
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Further, the ideal location for your institute's presumably lavish headquarters (and its adjunct Stephen King library) is clearly either the Miskatonic University campus at Arkham, or the adjoining science park (somewhat insensitively constructed, despite much local opposition, on the former
Native American burial ground, and definitely prone to some distinctly odd and highly unpleasant inexplicable phenomena). |
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* There may be scope for a unit of horiffic weirdness, too. We suggest the "Lovecraft". |
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** The Dali, like the Farad, is too large a unit of sureallism to be useful on a real-world basis. |
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//In fact, that's the first job your
organization needs to address - quantifying the
absolute necessity of its own existence.// |
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You mean establish the "Organization to Evaluate
the Feasibility of the IAGMSMS"? |
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This would of course require environmental impact
reports, workplace standards and practices
evaluations, neighborhood surveys and I'm going to
want at least 4 types of gender neutral bathrooms
included in any workplace environment
and I'm of course going to insist that they not be
"labeled". |
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If somebody asks why we need 4 different kinds of
bathrooms without labels I'll just call them Hitler
and say "Ok, now I need 5 types of gender neutral
bathrooms." That ought to shut them up. |
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The asker, or the bathrooms ? |
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// organization to evaluate the feasibility of the IAGMSMS? // |
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No, the feasability is not in dispute, rather like putting Donald Tusk in a spacecraft and launching it into an orbit around Mercury. It's technically possible, it just needs the political will, and the funding. |
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Once the IAGMSMS is happily settled in its new, shiny, air-conditioned state-of-the-art building, it will need to assemble and deploy a Strike Team of highly-paid purveyors of smoke, mirrors and weasel words to produce an evidence-based critique of the potential methodologies for defining an absolutely scale of "Necessity" and integrating it into the SI units. |
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Are you hiring at all ? We could send in a resumé ... |
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The asker. And if they keep asking questions I'll up
the number to 6 and accuse them of being cisgender,
transphobic, heteronormative, patriarchal poopy
heads. |
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Maybe not the poopy head part. |
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