h a l f b a k e r yA hive of inactivity
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Human children, unlike arthropods, shed their skin in
bits,
rendering it harder for one to present their future sexual
parrtners with embarrassing chitinous exoskeletons of
their
former selves. Remedy this lack by lacquering them
annually
on their birthdays, splitting the resultant child
cases
open and
storing them like Russian dolls in the attic. Then you'll
always
have something to remember them by, which you will
need once you've done it more than a couple of times or
after the authorities have discovered the practice.
(?) History of the World in 100 Objects - Han Lacquer Cup
http://www.bbc.co.u...w/all#playepisode68
15 minute BBC podcast. [DrBob, Oct 28 2014]
[link]
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[+] This would also work exceedingly well with cats. Total immersion
in methacrylate monomer would do the trick nicely. |
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Just wonderful! Ubercroissant. |
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We now have access to 3D body scanners, to help us
take 3D snapshots of our family as they change. |
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No need for messy lacquer, but if you want to take a
dip, be my guest. |
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And, the 3D scan gives you an electronic file, which
you can do all sorts of fun things with. (Add
different colors, change positions, add them to
games, movies, etc) |
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You could use a large 3D printer, after taking a 3D
scan, to print a "shell" that exactly resembled your
child. |
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I offer you my lacquered pastry [+] |
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//storing them like Russian dolls in the attic// |
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What happens if you have an obese child who then
loses weight? Or, if you're in Norfolk, what happens
if the 12th-year cast of your daughter is more
slender than when she was pregnant? |
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OK. My Christmas Card this year should be a picture
of all of our dark Lacquered shells, as we each make
the "Han Solo trapped in Carbonite" pose, next to
each other. |
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I happen to have a 3D printer, but not a scanner. I'll
get right to work! (not... of course I'm far too lazy
to finish any project) |
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Family action figures seems like a goldmine idea. |
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This is frigging brilliant. I missed it. Yay! Big gooey
bun from me. |
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[+] Cool. Can also be used as a cake or jello mold for
their birthday party! |
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Need the authorities be concerned? Is live human lacquering really the sort of thing that might result in Social Services getting twitchy? I can't see how. It's not really substantially different from notching heights against the doorframe, now is it? |
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"Dead children maybe, Live ones would be murder." |
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Mr. Bond and the Russian Cabaret Dancer. |
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Before I lacquer children I will have to liquor the
missus. |
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A future alien archeological expedition will discover one human child perfectly preserved in amber and our species will be reconstructed for their Terrasic Park. |
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Not to mention that this will provide a full set of finger and toe prints for Mom/Dad to give the police. |
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Gosh, how the days goes by (reaches for brush and varnish) |
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Curious that this idea is just six months old: it feels in my head like I have known of and enjoyed this idea for years now. In terms of the extent to which this has marinated itself into the lower reaches of my consciousness - how frequently the idea crops up in my thoughts - this feels like an idea from about 2006. I am remembering it from before I knew of it. Very curious. |
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That's because so much is happening in my life that it's
stretched time for everyone else too. |
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I am not sure that that can be the case, because the alteration of my perception of time is strictly localised to my remembering and therefore my sensed experience of the existence of this idea. I think that rather than the idea being something that widens time in a global sense, stretching time, horizontally, if you will, in stead it taps into a lower part of the brain, which is less concerned with times as a ringfencing of experience, a vertical. In other words, this idea is (so far as I am aware) the only thing that does not act sympathetically with my perception of the passage of time, which given its subject matter is perhaps ironic. |
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There is either a characteristic of this idea, or of my brayne or of the interaction between the two that allows this mild mindfuck to happen. If I could isolate it / them, I could become a wizard of some sort, I'd expect. |
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This idea is both brilliant and recent; a combination which, for hardened cynics, unsettles a lower cortex of the brayne known as the brobe. Experiments in brainial stimulation have shown that if you further probe the brobe, it induces a feeling of wanting to sneeze, but being totally unable to. |
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// reaches for brush and varnish // |
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A high pressure spray will give much faster and more even coverage,
shirley ? |
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High pressure spray??? Philistine! (linky) |
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The problem is the crevices. |
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A much better option would be to use electrostatic
powder-coating followed by heat-curing. |
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// The problem is the crevices // |
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Yes, the problem is always the crevices. |
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Dip-coating using a bath of molten PVC gives a nice smooth
uniform finish. |
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I think someone tried it with concrete on one of the
bridges on the M25. |
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But he couldn't find the same guy for casting number 2. |
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Nice to be reminded of this slightly macabre idea. Rather than store these in the attic, use them around the house to hold shelves up, like small,
sad-looking caryatids. |
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Get the embalming right, and a bit of deft work with some florist's wire, wax, and cotton wool, and they can be happy smiling little caryatids ... forever ... |
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