Aerial aerating gardening gun

Aerating lawns, by spiking them with a garden fork or a specialized machine is supposedly good for their health.

Doing this by hand with a normal garden fork is back-breaking, and using a aerating machine requires lugging a machine to and from a hire shop.

Instead, just place a call to your aerial gardening service (the same company who provide crop spraying aircraft for larger areas) and they will send round a helicopter with a mounted heavy machine gun which fires a torrent of iron bullets into your lawn, leaving lots of foot-deep holes for your soil to breathe.

As an alternative service for the budget-conscious, the helicopter can fly at a higher altitude and a volunteer from the local gun club can use your lawn as target practice.

Keep pets and children indoors during the aeration.