h a l f b a k e r yPoint of hors d'oevre
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Tired of driving over or around the same series of potholes day after day? Like to be proactive and community-minded? Here's your chance. Simply contact the Adopt-a-Pothole division of your local government and tell them where the offending crater is located. If said crevass is within your area of responsibility
(say within 5km of your home or place of work) they will supply you with a pothole repair kit along with a certificate to present to your automobile insurance company for a 5% discount to be applied to your next renewal. Of course, this will need the cooperation and approval of local authorities before the program can be put in place, but this should be easy since they have so much to gain for such a small investment. For potholes far away from civilization, like Toronto, Ontario, drivers with numerous traffic fines looming could be given the opportunity to work them off by adopting these remote potholes and fixing them.
If you have temporarily diverted the function of your adopted pothole for purposes other than vehicular travel (ie: you have planted a vegetable garden in the fertile lowlands, or you have created a small man-made lake for water-skiing and fishing, or you have filled the hole with custard to watch the faces of unsuspecting drivers) the discount is null and void.
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Yes, UB, I guess that's an alternative. You'd get that warm fuzzy feeling every time you opened your refrigerator door and saw the photos of your contented African ex-potholes beaming at you. But I think people would rather feel the elf-satisfaction of having actually repaired a local pothole with their own hands. Imagine how good it would feel to drive over something you built without mishap. People would actually bring family and friends to sit and look at their handiwork as dozens, or hundreds, yes even thousands of vehicles drive across it each day. Why, there could even be a series of new coffee table books published - "Potholes of Beverly Hills", "Potholes of the Rich and Famous", "Potholes of the Alaska Highway (Volumes I thru VIII)". |
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I don't think naming the potholes should be encouraged, mainly due to the competitive nature of some people. I mean, they'd probably want to post a roadside sign announcing the arrival of Harrington Wilmhurst "Potsy" Pothole III and we'd end up with far too many roadside signs cluttering up our streets. Sorry! |
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// I don't think naming the potholes should be encouraged//
When you donate to some public works construction, they will oft times get bricks made with the names of the donors on them, and lay them out in a walkway or patio. You could do the same here, except that the pothole owner has to stamp his own name into the fresh...whatever it is that you put into potholes...asphalt, I suppose. And I’d like to finish mine off with an embossed gold star. |
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Firstly, Canuck, why would you keep the photos of your African ex-potholes in the fridge? Secondly, if you are getting a warm feeling when you open the refrigerator, it needs fixing. |
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friendlyfire, the photos are not in the fridge, they are ON the fridge, as in stuck on the door, as in you see them each time you go to your fridge because they are right there, in front of your face, held in place with those little fridge magnets that look like vegetables or cookies with a bite out of them. And the reason you get the warm fuzzy feeling is that you feel good all over because you helped someone or something less fortunate than your elf. |
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<grits teeth, fully expecting obtuse response from friendlyfire about the use of "elf" in the explanation> |
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So, am I the only one who puts up photos inside the fridge? And keeps vodka in the freezer? |
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I would be one of those evil abusive pothole foster parents. They would not place any more potholes with me after the first several met a terrible end. |
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After adopting a pothole your local government can send you pictures of your fellow citizens' car tires.
I would imagine the attached note would say something like "Thank you so much for adopting the pothole on the corner of Main Street & North Street. I have been dodging this damn hole everyday for the past 2 months -and now the street is finally safe. My Firestones thank you!" |
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[canuck] <rolls up sleeves,tilts hat forward, and moves cigar to side of mouth, in order to facilitate snarling> |
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<utter, utter pedant>If the photos are on the outside of the fridge, you wouldn't need to open the door to look at them. To do so would be to stand to the side of the fridge, facing the open door, while all the chilly goodness escapes into your kitchen, possibly along with a tall bottle from the inside of the fridge door, if you opened it too fast, and the bar to hold said bottle in place is too low, as it is in my fridge. </utter, utter pedant> |
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<spits out cigar with great bouts of diaphragmatic coughing, remembering that he doesn't smoke, takes of hat since hats look silly on him, and rolls down sleeves, revealing unsightly creases down both> |
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<grits teeth, fighting back obtuse response about the use of "elf" in the explanation and accepting the inexorable march of Common Usage> |
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Okay, I'm done. It is a very good idea, though; any scheme which encourages people to take on some personal responsibility for the state of their neighbourhood is a good thing. |
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[pluterday] Probably. And no. I also recommend tequila ice-cubes. |
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I think I can say this IS/WAS baked. A number of years ago in Baltimore, MD you could spend like $5 U.S. and get a pothole filled for your true love on Valentine’s day. If I remember correctly they painted a heart around it and may even have listed the gift somehow (in the local paper?) |
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As long as a poorly filled pothole does not become the legal responsibility of the sponsor (+) |
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And BTW, I think these could be an excellent use for parking fines. |
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