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Anyone who has small children will appreciate this device.
This small device built into a headband or belt has a small array of sound transducers that create a sound interference pattern that generates audible sound waves at a radius that is adjustable from about 3 feet to up to 10 feet. The Audio
program would be customizable but would include some old standbys known to keep children at bay such as Classical Music, Lectures on good hygiene and suggestions to clean up thier mess.
The Goal of this device is to allow harried parents a small buffer so they can perform basic tasks such as eating, cooking, getting dressed and especially for men using the toilet, without being crawled on, climbed on, patted on, hugged, clung too, ridden or otherwise molested by thier loving children for a few mercifull minutes.
An interlock system that required the unit to stay off for a minimum of 15 minutes, after a period not to exceed 30 minutes, would ensure that children are not ignored for any extended period of time.
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You have obviously never had a 4 year old and a 1 year old at the same time and tried to get dressed in the morning or tried to cook dinner. |
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This seems too politically correct. If it popped out an eyeball I would vote for it. Maybe. Or if it was a giant shoe that shot out in the aisle to trip those pesky tikes. Yes, I would definitely vote for that. |
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It only works on kids with three feet. |
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Once they are over three feet tall they are too smart and thier diabolical little minds too far advanced to be effected by anything so simple as this(my sone is rapidly aproaching this point as we speak) |
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This seems a bit redundant when there are already so many fine sedatives and electroshock devices on the market. |
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Getting space while cooking is easy. Just grab the scissors or a knife and ask them "how old are you now?" "Hmm... I think it's about time for us to trim your ears down a bit" or "It's about time for your haircut now isn't it? Mom said you wanted a mohawk this time" as you sharpen a knife. Just make up something completely insane. They'll give you space for a while. And for the endless questions the answer always has something to do with a moose. This is code for "that's enough questions, ok?" |
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As a bonus, the parent teacher conferences are a riot. |
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My Granny had various ingenious methods of getting rid of me for a while.
Method 1 involved a sock, a bucket of soapy water and a hand pointing to the garden indicating where I was to wash said sock until clean.
Method 2 involved a tea-towel with a hole in it (suspiciously clean-edged as if just cut with kitchen scissors) and a blunt needle and thread.
Method 3 involved the top of the milk, a jam jar and a good hour or so of vigorously shaking said milk in aforementioned jar until butter formed. |
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They all worked brilliantly. Number one Gran. |
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If Mrs UnaBubba can pacify one person, previously incapable of rational discourse, for 30 seconds, then by my maths she should be able to stabilise the Oily Nations (as they shall henceforth be known) for...
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*SIDEBAR* Needing and not knowing the population of the Oily Nations (for multiplicatory purposes - see above), I went internetward to seek it out. Started puttering around the CIA Factbook, source of all objective truth and (please don't disappear my family, sirs) general niceness, and I noticed that Iraq's highest mountain doesn't have a name (see . I hereby name it Mount Croissant. Please update your maps and atlases accordingly. *SIDEBAR ENDS* |
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