h a l f b a k e r yVeni, vidi, teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini.
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When your alarm clock wakes you up on Monday morning and you feel like getting a little more sleep, all you have to do is push the 24-hour snooze button and return to your slumbers. While you sleep the alarm clock telephones your boss’s voice-mail and leaves the following message (which you recorded
earlier):
“(Cough, cough.) Jenkins here. (Sniff.) I think I’ve gotten a touch of that bug that’s going around (wheeze) so I won’t be able to make it into (cough) work today. (Sneeze.) Sorry for the short notice (extended fit of coughing), I’ll try to make it in tomorrow.”
The next morning the alarm sounds again, but it’s recommend that you use the button only once before you record a new message.
[link]
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Could it also tell my dogs "Walk yourselves you lazy canines - but don't you dare crap on the floor!"? otherwise the boss is the least of my worries! |
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<BLERGHH> <SPLATT> <RETCH> I can't come into ... *BLERGHH* ... work today, see, I piddled away all my time at the clubs, and ... excuse me ... *BLKAAAH* *cough* ... got pretty lit. I'll come in tomorrow and pick up my pink slip ... *BLAAAH* |
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Add optional authentic background noise from TV shows, for example from ER to support messages like "Hello boss, I lost my head. They found it, but it it still needs to be sewed back on." |
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better hope your get the voice mail, and he doesn't actually pick up! |
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Well, even if he does, just make it sound like you're on your way to puke some more ... really rush it, and make it a statement. |
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//"Hello boss, I lost my head...."// |
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Technically, it would be your body you lose. |
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//Technically, it would be your body you lose.// Yessir, you are correct and I'm stupid (lost my head?). |
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Recently had this discussion about artificial limbs and organs. Cloning could some day supply those. Few people would hesitate to swap an old arm for a new one (keep the old one in formaldehyde because no one can duplicate that lovely tatoo). But what about the brain? If it becomes possible some day to download all information from a damaged brain and move it to a new brain, could the old brain suddenly refuse to die and withdraw its consent? |
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What about people who habitually hit the snooze button 9 or 10 times? |
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Your boss will catch on after the 3rd or 4th day. |
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Hitting the snooze button two or three times could prompt an application for annual leave. Hitting it four to seven times : resignation. The deluxe model could come with force detection, so that repeated pounding causes your boss to be called at 5am the next day with your message somewhat similar to one of the monologues of Touro's "swearing friend." |
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kbecker, that is an interesting question. I have a further question. If the old brain is preserved, which one of the brains is legally the original person? |
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Will it send homework for my 9th graders too? Call the sub
and let he know I'm out? If you could do that I'd buy one. |
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I assumed this would be a clock that just woke you up at a more reasonable hour tomorrow than today (e.g. today it wakes you at 7, you snooze till 7:30, hence it wakes you at 7:30 tomorrow). You're idea though is much much lovelier.(+). |
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Love it (+). I have a stupid alarm clock that has a 4 minute snooze. I end up sleeping for an hour in 4 minute intervals. |
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Only problem I see is if you dont get your boss's answering machine, but get your boss himself. I guess the trick would be to get your boss one of these babies too. (I'm sure he hates monday morning as much as you do). |
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Incidentally, I'm a big fan of your work. My favourite is the coffee cup watermark. I would have given you 10+ for that if I could. |
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//Incidentally, I'm a big fan of your work// - I love the idea that a bakery account represents a "body of work". It implies that this is the worthy and worthwhile pastime that I have always believed it to be. |
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Nice idea by the way. Let the buggers walk to school, I say. |
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