h a l f b a k e r yRenovating the wheel
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It is a truth universally acknowledged, that an
elected democratic government in possession of a
good fortune, must be in want of a decent right-
thinking bloke with a large amount of explosives.
In the shining tradition of Timothy McVeigh, Graf
von Stauffenberg, John Wilkes Booth, Marcus Junius
Brutus and the great Guy F himself, this movie
draws on the genres espoused by Sam Peckinpah
and the "alternative history" concepts of Inglorious
Barsterds (thank you, Mr Tarantino) to show how
one dedicated individual can make a huge
difference to the political development of an entire
nation.
Particular emphasis is accorded to the lavish no-
expense-spared special effects (No CGI here,
Industrial Light & Magic not invited to quote) with
particular emphasis on absolute authenticity, by
means of actually initiating a large charge of black
powder under the House of Commons while it is
actually in session*, and filming the results.
*Not, however, the State Opening of Parliament. H
M the Queen and the D of E will be invited to
observe from a safe distance** as honoured
guests.
**Windsor***
*** We're talking about a LOT of black powder, or
possibly a medium-yeld tac nuke.
[link]
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Of course, there will be sequels … we are
most looking forward to the one featuring the
European Parliament (no expenses spared). |
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You're on the Preferred Bidder shortlist
already. |
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(Hint: it's a VERY short list. Only one name,
actually). |
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ILM does practical effects also, just so's ya know. |
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We'd still prefer Mythbusters … |
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You're taking the leading role in this, are you not?
At least, I hope you're not considering it as a
documentary, as the hand-dryer-activating genre-
bending maniacal un-David Attenborough cackling
pyrophilic laughter would get you edited out of
everything but the final credits. |
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The NSA would also like a copy of the shortlist, if you please... |
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// anybody in power who says things like "God willing" or "In god we trust". // |
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Or as Oliver Cromwell said, "I beseech you, in the bowels of Christ, think it possible that you may be mistaken ?" |
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// St. Peter blagged a victory and the powerbase of the vatican and the catholic faith was borne. // |
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Actually, it was Constantine ... |
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// I wonder if the Pope has panic attacks about how to play down 2000 years of nonsense ? // |
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He probably consoles himself by thinking, "Well, at least I'm better off than the Chief Rabbi ..." |
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Two problems, one logistical, one structural:
(1) The logistical problem: ensuring that the political business being carried out at the time of, eh, filming, is sufficiently contentious and important a to require a rigorously enforced three line whip. If we miss just one of them, we will still have MPs. Finding such an issue will be problematic, as the political distinctions between parties are wafer thin - no amount of public school barracking at PMQs can disguise this. What we need to find then is an issue that doesn't really matter (and therefore allows the legislature the luxury taking oppositional positions) but which is whipped into seeming to matter by, yikes, a compliant press. I suspect we can persuade Mr Murdoch that contribution to such a frenzy will be justly rewarded in the new political future.
(2) The structural problem: this treats the symptoms (shitebag MPs) without dealing with the cause (capitalist parliamentary democracy/ parliamentary democracy/ democracy/ human nature). I suggest a lengthy period of calumocracy, the surest form of government. Incidentally, part of the transition to calumocrary will involve the in-constituency public bathtub drowning of all current MPs. That is the sort of thing that brings the public together. |
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But, democracy is working so well for Greece these days... |
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Well, hiring them to sit around and do nothing
certainly didn't work. |
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Maybe somebody *cough*nazis should call the Greek request line and play a little Ace of Base, and let them know "nobody is going to drag you up to the place that you belong", and that they should see a few Calvinist protestant signs, read a little Max Weber and connect the whole protestant work ethic, Mussolini right-wing reforms on catholic acculturation, and the whole Nordic Superiority, Aryan Race, hawk nosed Persian-iranian Aryans middle-eastern countries supplying Germany with fuel during WW2 then the establishment of Israel, and fuel for the allies taking, a reward despite systematic eugenics for gentility animal husbandry and widespread anti-Semitism, and historically blind pragmatism on allies side, Bloom in France and jews on the left due to historical social strata, and still an emerging right wing in Canada, a country of applied apologetics for global imperialism and nefarious systematic methods , a model for the world, so Greece listen to Prime Minister H_ _ _ E R in Canada and rationalize your economy, but don't mess up this game of hangman and falsely attribute racial superiority to global dominance when its' really just playing a world wide board game with evil liars who brainwash their children in churches to a politico-religious ideology that Jesus sure as hell never wrote any political science textbooks on. Maybe there is something to swastika fractals, how many crosses can you draw allowing for infinitesimal reduction of scale. Sorry losing composure, foaming at the mouth sucking on my New Direction, in stores never, in whores now. |
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// I suggest a lengthy period of calumocracy, the surest form of government. Incidentally, part of the transition to calumocrary will involve the in-constituency public bathtub drowning of all current MPs. // |
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We'll vote for that. Do you want someone to hold your coat ? |
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We can also bring a bathtub to the party. We presume only one will be needed; drowning them one at a time, while the others watch from their respective pointed sticks, will prolong the pleasure. |
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Actually, no. I have this all worked out. The
drowning will be carried out by the constituents.
Each MP will be drowned in his or her own
bathtub, which will be been untimely ripped from
either their constituency home or their London
home - whichever the public purse was paying for
- and set up in whatever shitheap shopping centre
is regarded as being the biggest blight on the
constituency. There will be special exceptions for
more remote constituencies, where the MP-
liquidation can be carried out in rockpools or slurry
silos, so as to save the taxpayer the bathtub
transportation costs. |
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You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with cheese in France? |
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Jules: Tell 'em, Vincent. |
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Vincent: A Royale with cheese. |
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[rcarty]: um, that might work. |
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The world doesn't have to operate on a perverted hermeneutic rationalist pragmatism based on observed 'signs' from god follow the "good=truth" equation. |
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Just let it all out, man. Somewhere there is a cause awaiting you to champion it. |
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I champion the cause of letting it all out. |
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Define; medium yeld please. |
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Between 10 and 20 kilotons at Point Zero. |
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