News has filtered up to Camp Teacup regarding a proposed chocolate currency standard. We approve, and will commence high-level training*.
Ten months of the year, no refrigeration is required in our northern climes, but those other two months dump all the heat at once. Also, society appears to be collapsing a bit, hence the need for a practical (edible) currency AND the ability to protect it and oneself from premature separation by ballistic or stabby methods.
Citizens will require a coin purse** fashioned from Thinsulate™ insulation, Kevlar™ (bulletproof structural strength) and various customizable outer layers retained from bovine sources, or the brightly-coloured traditional Nauga-herds (waterproof, in case of sudden tornado, flood or similar).
Cheaper models will maintain the temperature of previously cooled chocolate coins. The upscale model contains miniaturized coolant lines, evaporator/condenser coils, compressor, and rechargeable battery.
* The only time the Sgt runs is when it's necessary to chase the rogue who stole the chocolate.
**Available in coin purse, wallet, conventional purse, book bag, backpack, secure briefcase, or large luggage (extra compartment for dead body), depending on the individual's net worth and professional need. Choose the size and wearable location based on protection requirements.-- Sgt Teacup, Sep 19 2020 We have no alternative* but to instantly bun this, and mark [Sgt. T.] for an immediate offer of employment.
*There is no alternative. Resistance is Futile.-- 8th of 7, Sep 19 2020 [8th] we are already employed* and therefore unavailable to explore your precipitous-yet-appropriate offer. However, we do operate a Consultant service--standard fees and provisos apply**.
*for a given value of employment
**first born, to be returned if found to be a poor match to the climate; we accept the job only after all other conventional avenues are exhausted, including Superman, The Avengers, Jessica Fletcher, Archer, and Columbo.-- Sgt Teacup, Sep 20 2020 // standard fees and provisos apply //
That reads so much like the small print in some of MaxCo's contracts that we are minded to withdraw our offer ...
... but will have to take the risk because your sort of talent is all too rare ...-- 8th of 7, Sep 20 2020 random, halfbakery