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for too long has velcro been humbled as a mere bag shutter - a trainer fastener. these are helpful roles certainly, but what i have in mind is a far loftier purpose - the true happiness of mankind.
for what could be better than to find that most wonderful of all things - a partner for life, a soulmate?
the system i propose is simple, and works thus:
everyone (apart from monks and the like) wears a small patch of velcro on their person. this should be about half the size of a postage stamp, and cut to any desired shape. the patch will be placed anywhere on the front-facing half of the body. the velcro 'type' should be fluffy for women and spiky for men. obviously.
upon meeting a new aquaintance, both parties should firmly embrace. if you are indeed kindred spirits, then you will have both chosen the same postioning and shape for your velcro patch - you will become physically linked. you will have found your soulmate - congratulations.
Velcro Fly
http://ntl.matrix.c...cs/v/velcro_fly.txt
by ZZ Top [Amos Kito, Oct 04 2004]
[link]
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Those more desparate/less fussy would add larger and larger patches to try and trap a possible velcromate. I wonder where this leaves the gay community? |
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I'm sticking to you, cos I'm made outta glue... dammit I won't get rid of that tune now! |
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Everyone could wear metallic jackets with a non-visible, really cold spot somewhere. Then just choose where you want to kiss the other person's top with wet lips. |
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But then people could mock them by throwing tennis balls at them (well, the guys anyway). |
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The only way I could see this working was if there was some system to where the patches were placed. The idea is the placement would indicate some key thing(s) about your personality, wants, desires, etc. That way a match would mean more than you just happened to pick the same spot. |
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Due to the wide variety of heights of human beings, however, I can't see how even this would work. |
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Okay, so practically speaking, it might not work. But the title's cute, and it's certainly one of the more humorous and original ideas I've seen here lately. |
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//Due to the wide variety of heights of human beings, however, I can't see how even this would work// |
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Actually, [krelnik], I think you have found an excellent application. If don't want to go out with someone smaller than you, then wear your velcro on your hat. |
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I don't want to "firmly embrace" every person I meet, on the (very small) off chance that I may notice a small piece of velcro "half the size of a postage stamp" has become briefly affixed to them.
Didn't we invent language so we could be civil about these things...? |
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i now want to learn D&D so I can be an evil velcromancer
HAHAHA stupid warrior, you're stuck to the wall for three turns! |
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But if all the women are all fluffy and the men spiky, what do the homosexuals do? |
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I propose that both sexes have both sides of the velcro, for total compatability. Although you may have problems if you are straight and somebody of the same sex grabs you and matches before you can say anything. |
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